Wilt

[Jadie Jones]

She had a voice like flowers bloom: soft and unassuming until you noticed it, and then suddenly you couldn’t bear the idea of ever leaving it behind. Her momma said it was always that way. Even as a little thing, the cries she made sounded more like an apology than a complaint, like she felt downright awful for requiring your time. It came as no surprise why a boy like that took an interest in a girl like her, but I always wondered why she took a shine to him. There wasn’t a soul in town that would’ve bet a paycheck on those two living happily  together for any real length of time. But I don’t think any of us expected it to turn out quite like it did; then again, nothing like that had ever happened here before.

[Jeanette Cheezum]

Great story. Does prove that there is someone for everyone.

[Jadie Jones]

@Kristine - ooh i love that idea!!! will get to work on that asap

[Kristine_ES]

i read this many times. this is an exquisite description of sad. 

um...now i dare you to write us about her, but in bloom? :D

[Jadie Jones]

@Robert - thank you so much for all of your insight. I learn so much from reading your 6s, and greatly appreciate the direct education as well. This network is so good for development!!

[Robert Crisman]

@Casey:  You actually pointed us in a direction with your use of the word "quite" in the last sentence, acting as it does as implied confirmation and then some of the townfolks' judgements. Without that word the story would have been far less than it is. I think the reason people write stories about such women, or men, is that bad things happen to them and there's a bit of them in all of us. That's what gives such stories their significance.

It seems to me that if you write about something, you need to show and tell enough to render that significance some kind of way, which, I hasten to add, you did in this one. But if you hadn't, what would have been the point? It'd be kind of like writing "A fire started. It burned. Something happened..." Well, what happened? A fire all by itself? So what? If a writer can't provide enough info to at least give readers an idea of what made the fire meaningful and why, he or she is not doing the job. It's left, in effect, for readers to, uh, write it the damn story themselves. Contrary to all the flavor-of-the-month literary theories and whatnot, that is utterly backasswards. Writers were put on earth to hone readers' appreciation of what is significant in this life. And that necessarily involves showing and telling in some manner or other.

[Jadie Jones]

Thanks Teresa! I'm glad you appreciated the approach :)

[Teresa]

No Casey.  Your writer's gut was right the first time.  It's perfect.  It's good for the reader to feel like he/she came to their own conclusions.  It makes the story more personal and universal.  If that's possible.  I think it is.

[Jadie Jones]

Thank you so much y'all! Do you think I should make the last line more defining and not quite so wide open?

[Joey Delgado]

Beautiful writing. I agree with Bill, the title is actually a part of the story. A clue needed to discover the outcome of these two characters. I feel so bad for the girl in the story, it's always the sweet ones, the unassuming ones, who are preyed upon by insecure bullies. People like her are easy targets for tragedy, but deserve so much more. 'She had a voice like flowers bloom: soft and unassuming until you noticed it...' Gorgeous. Thanks for this story. :)

[Gita]

Crisman spoke for me, here. And I agree with Floyd about the title.

You packed a lot of story into six sentences. well done!