What Randy Decided to Do About It

[Jamie Hogan]

Sitting in a car on the street in front of the house of the man who's banging your wife is a fairly singular experience, even as solitude goes. It doesn't take long for the radio to get violently switched off, then switched back on again because the noise in your brain is shittier than the noise on the radio, then snatched back off again and you've got the knob in your hand and you rifle that thing into the floorboard so hard it bounces back into the back seat.

 

Then you take a breath and get down to it, which means imagining this prick standing in front of the only thing you ever really loved with his pants around his ankles and her knees sunk into the thick, creamy carpet of his bedroom and there's this fidgety heat that starts to irritate the backs of your eyes. What are we going to do about this, Randy says the black L shape lying in the passenger seat, and you choke the bottom of the steering wheel and try to breathe and don't even realize that you're rocking a little in the seat.

 

In the morning you watch her checking her phone and catch the shadow of something - concern? irritation? - as it ghosts across her face and then away, and you decide that if it's the only pleasure you get before the torture of wondering when they'll figure it out, it'll have to do. You had lost her one way or another anyway.

[Angela]

The first and second sections were certainly powerful, but the final one, with the shadow ghosting her face, just for an instant, was so real.  The you-don't-know-I-know game, deadly (really) deadly serious.  Honestly, the last two lines are a fine story as they stand.

Loved your use of the second person here.

[Jeanette Cheezum]

I found him to be very real. I wanted to help him show them. Amazed he was able to hold back.

[Mike Handley]

Great story. Even greater perspective. I adore the L-shape. The tense in No. 2 seems awkward compared to the others, but your typical reader will be so into this thing, he's not likely to notice.

[Stephen Torelli]

Poor Randy, but great storytelling. 

[Cita]

(Dirty word.)  Man oh man oh man. Our Jamie has a dark side. And it rocks.  Whoa.  The "rocking a little in the seat" was so TELLING.  Whew.  Glad I clicked in, my friend.  

[Scarlett Rose]

Did you choose the name Randy on purpose? It made me giggle. I have to admit, I'm a little immature.

Also, my favourite line was "...because the noise in your brain is shittier than the noise on the radio". Good stuff. And well captured.

[Teresa]

This is serious stuff, and it's definitely your "other side" telling this story, the darker of the Gemini moon twins.  Since I pictured you in the car, I giggled some when the knob bounced into the back seat.  You don't seem like a fumbler but I am, which is funny when (after) I'm mad.  Sentence six, especially "the shadow of something - concern? irritation? - as it ghosts across her face and then away" and "torture of wondering when they'll figure it out" lifted the tiny hairs on the back of my neck. 

[Ron. Lavalette]

Excellent reporting, man.

[Joey Delgado]

Oh yeah, and line 2 is a brilliant description of anger, anxiety, frustration; turning the radio off and on, breaking the knob throwing it on the floorboard...Great stuff!

[bolton carley]

i really believe that a million guys have sat in their car with that exact situation happening to them.  and i wonder how do you know these thoughts and emotions so vividly?  i am blown away as usual.