Tidying Up History (Fantasy Killing Challenge .. blame Gita, not me).

[Bob Clay]

Stalin was not a very nice man, so I killed him.  Now I don't want you to think I'm just some nutter who goes around killing people because I'm not ... well I am, but that's not the point ... and you shouldn't press the matter unless you want me to pull your entire skeleton out through your mouth.  The fact is Stalin was on my 'dead list' and since I built my time machine I've made a point of going back and tidying up history and clearly Stalin and Hitler and the rest of the 20th century crew had to go.

 

I've also done George Washington so that you yanks will stop pissing about and learn how to play cricket, Napoleon because I don't like a railway station with a daft name like 'Waterloo' and of course Caligula ... because he was such a wanker. I've killed all the religious figures since Pharoah the something or other in order to prevent strife, jihads and chest thumpers in general,  and I've also been back and told the Mayans they were full of shit since if they were such good prophets, how come they missed climate change and the conquistadors ?

 

Now all is peace and harmony and the most disturbing thing on the news is that the daffodils are blooming a couple of weeks late this year.  I have to say though, history books have become seriously fucking boring.

[Jeanette Cheezum]

And you managed to do all this in 6 sentences. My hero.

[Kristine_ES]

i thank you for offing the right bad guys.  but the daffodils blooming late is unacceptable.  and i suppose we have you to blame for the rain during the day instead of the evening like you promised?  *sigh*  

 

[Gita]

You may be the first in history to call Caligula "a wanker."  Fave!!