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The Worry Wart Makes a List on the Advice of Her Therapist

1. I ate giant prawns in clarified butter, tonight, and I think I can feel my arteries clogging.

2. If I move to that pretty cottage with wraparound porch near the electrical power station, will my child be born with two heads?

3. Will radiation from my cell phone disrupt my brain waves or cause the fillings in my teeth to turn into miniature nuclear fission plants?

4. I want to use Pam spray on my cookware, but what is in it, really, and does the propellant in the can contribute to global warming?

5. How will I know if the timing chain on my car is about to break, since it gives off no symptoms?

6. If I go to Al Jazeera on the internet to get the latest news about Libya, will I be put on a Homeland Security watch list?

Comments are closed for this blog post

Comment by Cita on March 22, 2011 at 2:15pm: If I sleep curled on my side will it contribute to neck and cleavage crepiness?

Comment by Teresa on March 20, 2011 at 2:35pm: Mink bondage straps! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Comment by Gita on March 20, 2011 at 2:27pm: Your bracket picks could not possibly be worse than mine, girl. Cock your hips and stare them down. Then start an office pool to pick the day that Charlie Sheen is found OD'ed in a hotel room in mink bondage straps.

Comment by bolton carley on March 20, 2011 at 2:15pm: fiction? hell, no. are there really people who don't worry about ridiculous things like whether the guys at work will think me a typical girl for my ill-adviced bracket picks? :)

Comment by Sandra Davies on March 20, 2011 at 11:05am: You - we - all have to die of something, you might as well enjoy the time you've got left to the full. ;-)

Comment by Paul de Denus on March 20, 2011 at 10:37am: I have all the same worries- the Al Jazeera thing? Big Brother is watching anyhow:)

Comment by Diana E. Backhouse on March 20, 2011 at 10:26am: This is worrying, and I'm so glad you have said it is fiction.

Comment by Kristine_ES on March 20, 2011 at 10:16am: wondered about sentence six quite a bit and always surprised when they don't show up to my door, actually... *takes bite of buttery paranoia prawn and thinks on't*

Comment by Brittany on March 20, 2011 at 9:06am: Lol. Has a paranoid Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy feel here.

Comment by Teresa on March 20, 2011 at 8:41am: If we each made a TRUE list of unspoken concerns, it would be hysterical. The mind is a terrible thing. Funny Six.