The Ritual.

[Abhi Kantamneni]

On every single New Year's Eve for the past four years, I have engaged in a ritual that I have every reason to believe is most unique and peculiar.

  After loading myself up with a brutal cocktail of barbiturates and White Russians through the evening, I walk around the house wading in the stench of stale memories.  Every closet holds a secret, every crevice a story and every unopened door an emotional quagmire but, I explore them all while taking down copious notes. 

At midnight I proceed to stick a Magnum .357 revolver (with a single bullet in an arbitrary position) down my throat, spin the chamber and pull the trigger.

Four years of practicing 'The Ritual'  and I still cannot predict the reaction an empty click is more likely to bring:- relief or disappointment. However, my notes have always helped me go on for at least another whole year. 

[Kristine_ES]

tense. not a great way to start a year, and also relieved it was built on a dream. *whew*

[Abhi Kantamneni]

@Gita Yes indeed !! I like the movie and cannot get over how handsome Christopher Walken was in it. I cannot remember though, if I saw the movie earlier than I had this dream.

@Teresa. It was indeed a dream, however it was not as elaborate as this 6S is.  When I woke up the morning after I dreamt this up, it did occur to me that it might actually be a pretty good way to go about living your life, minus the Russian Roulette bit. If you could focus on being alive for perhaps just another year, and started ticking off items from your bucket list and as another year rolled by you made another bucket list, I think that would be a good way to get through depression. I will check out Emma Forrest, thanks for the suggestion

@Edward this 6S is based on a dream I once had, that was rife with much more personal symbolism. I also read some of James Kavanaugh's poetry that you suggested I look up.  I was looking for poets like that, with simple verse but profound insights and I must thank you for that delightful suggestion. 

[Gita]

Well done, Abhi. Nothing is scarier to me than Russian roulette. Have you ever seen the movie, The Deer Hunter?

[Teresa]

The word "dreams" in the tag is a relief.  You might be interested in reading Emma Forrest's Your Voice In My Head.  She's struggled with depression forever, the black bottomless sort.  She found a great psychiatrist and for nearly a decade he was her guide, then he passed away.  The book is about her relationship with him, with depression, with thoughts of death from about age 12 on.  She's thirty-something now and takes the right meds.  She's a very talented writer, a beautiful person.  I'm so glad she's still here. 

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

This is the beginning of something good--I can tell.

[Edward Dean]

Wow. This makes for one powerful story but please tell me this is a well constructed fantasy!