The Homework Assignment

[Joseph Lupoli]

Sure, I was a rebellious little bastard, and to be honest, the only reason why I bothered attending school at all was to avoid truancy arrest.

Sister Margaret Gertrude and the other hooded vultures gave up on me a long time ago, but I decided to shock the hell out of ‘em by actually doing a homework assignment.

So that night, I grabbed a pen and hastily cranked out the two-page essay assignment, which turned into a six-page sophomoric drivel-fest about a bank robbery gone bad, complete with the customary car chase and police shoot-out.

But the real firestorm broke out when Sister Margaret Gertrude read the story before handing it to the principal. They had decided that no 5th grade student is capable of infusing dialogue and subplots into an original story—this had to have been plagiarized from a book.

Oh sure, I pleaded my case, and when it fell on deaf ears, I said to myself:  Jesus…and these teachers wonder why I never do homework?

[Kori Dremow]

i can relate! i was accused of plagiarism in 5th grade by the most horrifying teacher in the world. it was an essay regarding the civil war. i remember running home and crying for hours, and then actually having to focus on "dumbing-down" the essay, which was more difficult than writing the damn thing the first time! i was never discouraged, even though she created a public scene at such an impressionable adolescent age. it does make me giggle thinking back on the situation.

[Diana E. Backhouse]

Well written account, Joseph.

[Stephen Torelli]

Sometimes honest guys lose. Nice story.

[Robert McEvily]

"hooded vultures" - that's one I haven't heard before.  Love that.

[Angela]

I can imagine the confusion this caused for you, but since it is all over now, we get a great story of childhood woe.  Well done.

[Sandy P]

This is very cute. Thank you for the laugh this afternoon. Nicely written, Joseph!