Sunrise on Asunder

[Jadie Jones]

Maizy always knew that one day it would come to this.  He kicks that door down and he done brought on hisself, she reassured herself as she nervously pecked at her scalp, drawn tight and itchy under the strain of cheap rollers. And then there it was again, the boom boom of his fist on the other side of the door, the clang of his workboot meeting the wood when his hands bore no result. "Imma kill that man for snatching you up!" he hollered as the door began to splinter. She cinched her robe tight and leveled the nose of her shotgun at the new slivers of daylight slipping through the cracks he made. With a quick click-click, the ammunition slid into the chamber and waited with her as she whispered to them both: what God hath brought together, let no man put asunduh.

[Jadie Jones]

@Joey - thank you so much :) I have super-sonic hearing so sounds are very important to me in any setting. I'm glad you like it too.

[Joey Delgado]

A woman in curlers holding a shotgun has to be my favorite image from this piece. Well done. The last line is extremely cool. :) I like your way (and you've done it before) you include descriptions of sound in your sixes. It transports just as efficiently as a well written visual.

[Jadie Jones]

@ Robert and Jared - thanks guys!! It's a character that's been in my head forever, a lady in a bathrobe with rollers in her hair and a cigarette between her lips, gun on her shoulder just waiting for whoever to bust down the door.

[Robert Crisman]

As she said, he done brought it on hisself. Good one.

[Jared Handley]

Bang, bang, baby. Lethal. Really enjoyed.

[Jadie Jones]

@Teresa - your comment might be my favorite comment ever posted on this site :) magenta trackers? I sense one hell of a back story

[Teresa]

This is extremely creepy (and well-written).  I've been stalked by an ex.  He broke into my house repeatedly, tried to sabotage my plumbing, stole family letters I'd saved and protected forever, journals, whatever meant something to me.  It ended, not with a shotgun but cops searching his apartment, an ER visit and my memories up in flames.  He went to jail.  I got a restraining order.  Fun-fun.  You think you know people.  Especially the "nice" ones.  But the people you think you know become other people when overcome with anger/hurt.  I should have seen it coming, though.  He liked Marilyn Manson.  Don't only creepos like Marilyn?  And KISS?  And drive "magenta" Trackers?  Stupid.

[Jadie Jones]

@other - thank you!! i'm a big believer in self defense, and in being an excellent shot :)

[Ron. Lavalette]

Breath holder.  How everything changes.  Great stuff.