Stage Left

[Teresa]

I sit beside my father-in-law where my children play with their cousins in the sand, and he speaks in a low voice so his pregnant daughter will not hear, "Why do you think God is letting this terrible thing happen even though I pray for help?"

 

His daughter stands nearby with her sister and aunts, her belly sixteen weeks full of a child with only a partial brain.

 

"It's more God's stage than his will, a place where anything can happen, and our prayers are meant to center and console, prepare us to cope," I say to him, then I reconsider the power of prayer and decide that since it is a state of mind, it can be shared by many, that it does have the power to change situations, but only if those situations are not fixed...grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can....

 

His daughter and son-in-law have already spoken to a priest who will baptize the child if he is born alive, a soul without a vessel if such a thing exists.

 

"Some people lose faith in God," he says, his timing odd at age eighty-two when his mind and joints are so rigid.

 

I watch the children kick piles of sand into storms of grit, warn them to protect their eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Teresa]

That is so interesting, Amy.  I've tried holding him up as a mirror.  I can't look into it for long, but it seems that each time I see him I am less afraid of us both.  He trusts me.  Isn't that strange?  I'm torn between hugging and running away from him.  It's the strangest relationship I've ever had.  Thank you so much for that comment.

[Cita]

Jung said we have to know the shadows within ourselves to even begin to understand the shadows around us.  The Beast is a gift to you.  A shadow gift.  Which is why your comment below is full of bewilderment, compassion, and loathing.  Bravo to you, T, for braving the shadow.

[Teresa]

Thanks gals/guy.  I agree with all of you because of so much backstory.  Beast is a hateful man.  He hates whites, blacks, cats, snakes and women.  He hates "the rich" and Republicans.  He hates Muslims and Baptists and Hindus and you-name-it.  He is bitter.   He does not listen or hear any opinion in disagreement with his own.  He is a child but a child who can influence children and I have to protect my daughter when she's around him.  I worry about what he might tell her.  If he believes that a rooster will cure him of voodoo, he might believe I am a witch and tell my impressionable six year old her mother is evil.  I wouldn't put it past him.  I am divided in my feelings.  Sometimes I pity him, especially when he is confused and in understandable pain.  But when he is laughing pompously, saying women need to shut up and do their jobs, that ugly women have nothing to offer, that whites and blacks can't be trusted, etc., I cringe.  His energy sucks all the air out of the room.  I feel oppressed and suffocated when he's around.  If he were only a child in the spiritual sense I'd have more compassion, but he's a child in every sense, the last born of five, and he didn't really get alone with any of his siblings.  His ninety-three year old sister -- the eldest and only survivor besides him -- says he was always a spoiled brat.  I could go on for days.  But yes, sometimes he's just a broken little boy, 5'6" with wrinkles, glaucoma and a bad knee.  The rest of the time he's mean, judgemental, full of hate.  I don't get it.  He's probably a lot more likeable now than he was in younger years.  Scary to think about.

[Bill Floyd]

My view of the Beast is more along the lines of Angela's than Gita's: "childish faith" about sums it up.  Perhaps this will spur some late (never too late) maturity.  

The writing, though.  I know you have a lot going on, but you need to GET ON collecting your work into a coherent whole.  We're blessed to have you, but the world at large practically NEEDS you.  Thoughtful, well-written non-fiction that would burn right into a lot of hearts.  Find the time.     

[Angela]

I kind of think it is never too late to lose faith, just as it is never too late to gain it.  A person who is never shaken is rare; this is certainly a situation that would shake even those on the firmest of grounds.  Your third was solid, and not just from a writer's perspective.  Hopefully you were able to share that assurance with him.

I differ from Gita in my opinion of your father-in-law.  He has a childish faith and that believes in its own conditional demands, and I feel pity for him.  He is likely loathed by those he cares for the most.  The entire situation is heartbreaking.  I will hold a good thought for you all.

[Gita]

I am so uncomfortable whenever this man enters your writing. He prays to a god for favors and to rectify things in his life. Meanwhile, the mother of his children is banned from being part of the family. I frankly do not care whether he ever finds peace or happiness because he gives me the terrors. But your writing itself is, as always, outstanding and thought-provoking. As Cita said,  freakin' great wrap-up.

[Cita]

And of course, once again, this is brilliant.  Especially sentences #5 and 6.  What a freakin' great wrap-up!