What can YOU say in six sentences?
1. Never, ever open a freelance check while sitting in your car and exclaim, "All RIGHT, $2,309!" because your car will immediately break down to the exact tune of the amount on the freelance check (yes, I said exact.)
2. All running shoes will eventually go over to the dark side, and no amount of Dr. Scholl's spray or baking soda will remove the demonic odor that has no name.
3. As soon as you leave a fishing spot on a lake after having caught nothing, despite switching lures and bait for hours, the next boat that moves into that spot will catch a monster bass and the guy will yell and wave it around in the air.
4. When you make up your list of the qualities you want in a mate, be sure to fill out your purchase order completely because the gods have a sense of humor and will send you (for example) a person with great looks, the libido of the thundering herd and a trust fund, but the brains of a tse-tse fly.
5. When someone gets really angry at you, it might have nothing at all to do with you and it might have everything to do with the fact that she/he is just a really angry person.
6. Give opera a chance because it is the most fantastic melding of music and theater and emotional manipulation you will probably experience this side of paradise.