Six Things I've Learned

[Gita]

 

1. Never, ever open a freelance check while sitting in your car and exclaim, "All RIGHT, $2,309!"  because your car will immediately break down to the exact tune of the amount on the freelance check (yes, I said exact.)

 

2. All running shoes will eventually go over to the dark side, and no amount of Dr. Scholl's spray or baking soda will remove the demonic odor that has no name. 

 

3. As soon as you leave a fishing spot on a lake after having caught nothing, despite switching lures and bait for hours, the next boat that moves into that spot will catch a monster bass and the guy will yell and wave it around in the air.

 

4. When you make up your list of the qualities you want in a mate, be sure to fill out your purchase order completely because the gods have a sense of humor and will send you (for example) a person with great looks,  the libido of the thundering herd and a trust fund, but the brains of a tse-tse fly.

 

5. When someone gets really angry at you, it might have nothing at all to do with you and it might have everything to do with the fact that she/he is just a really angry person.

 

6. Give opera a chance because it is the most fantastic melding of music and theater and emotional manipulation you will probably experience this side of paradise.

 

[Jared Handley]

All of these are true. But in #2, wouldn't it be the Dank Side? #5 is quite important to realize in the moment, but it never really helps me bite my tongue any better even when I do.

[Gita]

@Lapham: If you could have been there... the shrill voice, the hands making little egg-beater motions faster and faster and faster, her shoulders jerking, and all for what? Because my dog chased her cat. Well, news flash. That's what dogs and cats do. All the while she was going wheeeze, wheeze, wheeze my doggie was sitting quietly at my feet looking up at me with her big kind eyes, begging me to please, leave already so we could get home and get her coming-home-bone (1/3 of a Gwaltney chicken weiner). But would Mrs. I-Know-A-Killer-When-I-See-One shut up? No-o-o. When finally, neither dog-thing nor I could take it any more,  the "High Strung" crack just flew out of my mouth.

[bolton carley]

i used to always do all the events at my school like christmas parties and potlucks and social outings just to be nice and keep staff morale up.  i've never been yelled at so much in my life! :)  and why did i not think to tell them they were high strung, it wasn't my fault??? :)

[Gita]

A neighbor stopped me in the street last week and yelled at me for about 6 minutes, so that's why I put this item on the list.

I mean, it was excessive!  

It didn't help, I guess,  that I finally said to her, "Ma'am, I think you are very high strung."

[Jamie Hogan]

I liked all of this, as it all falls in the "funny because it's true" category. But 5 is especially profound, and I wish more people realized it. The world is a very tough place sometimes, and some people catch one bad break after another. Some of those people live their lives looking for someone to take it out on. I am so glad you realized this, and that you thought to write it down for us to read.

[Stephen Torelli]

Gita, you're so right on #6. My wife introduced opera to me, particularly, The Three Tenors... Pavorotti, Domingo and Carreras.

[Bill Floyd]

Leave it to you to come out gunning with a combination of originality and humor.  I like this because: it is personal and universal at once (I've noticed how unforeseen expenses usually eat up the exact amount you had set aside for some good fun).  I've tried opera a few times but I still need some convincing.  

 

I didn't realize Mike had a trust fund!  :)       

[bolton carley]

1 and 3 are just facts of life, aren't they?  2 - i've had my experiences with the same.  4 - the tse-tse fly comparison is perfect!  but the one i love most is 5.  it's the best to know that going in.  gita - as always, you are a fountain of knowledge.  thanks!

[Gita]

our vehicles and household appliances wait and lurk until they know we have money and then, in a cruel form of group tyranny, vote to see which will break. Them, and the roof.

 

[Sandra Davies]

1, 5 and 6 I can vouch for (although our no. 1 was a premium bond win)