What can YOU say in six sentences?
Lines of people snake around Chick-fil-A, some folks coming out to support the first amendment (bullshit, these people are the same people who would ban books from a public school if it contained the words: vagina and/or penis), some to support the protection of family values (by eating deep fried chicken bits, not by tying someone to a truck and dragging them through the dirt; an improvement).
Why does the phrase, We have to protect family values, now have the same villainous ring as, Ve haf vays of making you talk?
I imagine Warren Blumenfield, Chick-fil-A's outspoken CEO, walking down the street, seeing a same-sex couple smiling and laughing, holding hands, self-hatred and arousal boiling up from his loins to his bitter heart, his inner child throwing a colossal tantrum, crying, "But...but...but...but...God said noooooooooooooooo!"
(In my mind Warren Blumenfield's inner child is a chubby little boy with a freckled face and chocolate stains on his sour puss, wearing lederhosen and a multi-colored helicopter hat.)
The thing of it is, I liked Chick-fil-A, liked their chicken, their fried potato thingies, their dipping sauces, their customer service, their convenient locations, but now all I can think about is some glossy-eyed girl on the news saying, "I'm here for...because...I respect the...their values," and some macho man with grease stains on his face shovelling a chicken tender in his mouth like he was starving to death.
Screw it, I have tons of fabulous--yep, fabulous--fried chicken recipes picked up from many hours perusing the Food Network's website and Grandma's oil-stained cookbooks, and okay, Chick-fil-A may make piles of money from their day of support, but I'll be damned if it's any of mine.