Six Sentence Soap Boxing (Chick-fil-A Edition)

[Joey Delgado]

Lines of people snake around Chick-fil-A, some folks coming out to support the first amendment (bullshit, these people are the same people who would ban books from a public school if it contained the words: vagina and/or penis), some to support the protection of family values (by eating deep fried chicken bits, not by tying someone to a truck and dragging them through the dirt; an improvement).

 

Why does the phrase, We have to protect family values, now have the same villainous ring as, Ve haf vays of making you talk?

 

I imagine Warren Blumenfield, Chick-fil-A's outspoken CEO, walking down the street, seeing a same-sex couple smiling and laughing, holding hands, self-hatred and arousal boiling up from his loins to his bitter heart, his inner child throwing a colossal tantrum, crying, "But...but...but...but...God said noooooooooooooooo!" 

 

(In my mind Warren Blumenfield's inner child is a chubby little boy with a freckled face and chocolate stains on his sour puss, wearing lederhosen and a multi-colored helicopter hat.)

 

The thing of it is, I liked Chick-fil-A, liked their chicken, their fried potato thingies, their dipping sauces, their customer service, their convenient locations, but now all I can think about is some glossy-eyed girl on the news saying, "I'm here for...because...I respect the...their values," and some macho man with grease stains on his face shovelling a chicken tender in his mouth like he was starving to death.

 

Screw it, I have tons of fabulous--yep, fabulous--fried chicken recipes picked up from many hours perusing the Food Network's website and Grandma's oil-stained cookbooks, and okay, Chick-fil-A may make piles of money from their day of support, but I'll be damned if it's any of mine.

 

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ultimate-recipe-showdown/kickin-...

 

 

 

[Payam Ghassemlou]

As Eckhart Tolle the author of The Power of Now suggested, "...realization that you are different from others may force you to disidentify from socially conditioned patterns of thought and behavior. This will automatically raise your level of consciousness above that of the unconscious majority, whose members unquestioningly take on board all inherited patterns. In that respect, being gay can be a help. Being an outsider to some extent, someone who does not fit in with others or is rejected by them for whatever reason, makes life difficult, but it also place you at advantage as far as enlightenment is concerned."

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

I no longer use the word values. It has been co-opted by hatemongers and as far as I'm concerned, they can choke on it.

[Angela]

No worries about the rant, mate.  You are surrounded by like-minded individuals.

[Michelle]

Thank you for the rant!

[Stephen Torelli]

Yes, study those recipes and forget about Chick-full-of-baloney. Excellent rant!

[Teresa]

FOOD should not voice social/political views.  Now God and genitalia and marriage are linked to Cows promoting chicken.  This sentence says it all:  "Everyone knows it's a Christian organization," Ellen Guarente told ABC News while holding a bag of waffle fries outside the Chrystal City Chick-fil-A."

 

I did not know that this past Wednesday was CFA Appreciation Day, so when my friend asked me to pick up some CFA for our kids' playdate, I thought nothing of it.  Then I noticed the lines and kept passing up locations thinking the noon lunch hour and coming full moon was causing a greater than usual crowd.  The lines were INSANE.  I drove almost an hour, closer to the friend's house and at 1pm encountered the same damn lines in Katy, Texas wrapped like tinsel around the restaurant, spilling out into the street.  I was furious.  Then I had an evil thought as I sat for five minutes waiting for the SUV in front of me to wait for some idiot to back out of her parking place, and the thought was:  so many of the "good" people crossing the parking lot looked really weird as in robotic, frightfully plain, stoned on deadening programming, genetically off and easily pulled to the far edge of extremely tight creases of a rigid, loveless, unsustainable existance.  Yes, that's cruel but fuck it, that's what I thought.  And this observation was completely sans knowing about CFA's special, special day...

 

 

[Mike Handley]

No apology necessary. Save your money for the next HoW. I fried chicken for the opening night's meal.

[Gita]

I never cared much for their menu, and I'm opposed to fried chicken on medical grounds. But I liked the fact that they gave their employees Sundays off. I think everyone should get one guaranteed weekend day off from work, whether or not they go to church, because leisure time is great for mental health. Then again, I'm in favor of people marrying whomever they want. I think it's icky the way the religious conservatives take such an interest in what folks do with their genitals.