Six Different Deaths (Number one: Home Invasion)

[Gita]

Mathilda (Mattie) Fluker died on her Ethan Allen living room sofa in the middle of episode 417 of The Young and The Restless, fully clothed, upright, and in full possession of her senses. Next to her on an early-American reproduction side table sat her afternoon glass of sweet tea, a battalion of vitamin bottles and a TV Guide opened to an article about Ryan Seacrest’s new $40 million mansion.

None of these caused Mattie’s death, however, nor did the steamy, adulterous love scene in a hotel room playing out on the screen in High Definition.

First, a pale, creased man materialized next to the TV (he reminded her of Peter O’Toole except that his hair had been colored an unflattering shade of aubergine) and he pointed to his watch and beckoned.

Then, a wild-eyed younger man in filthy jeans moved toward her with a snub-nosed revolver, yelling something at her from a mouth dotted with sores.

“Why now?” she asked aloud, going very, very cold, thinking about her Christian Canasta Cruise ticket that would go to waste, feeling the bullet part her hair above her bangs and then nothing.

[Joey Delgado]

Really enjoyed the aubergine hair detail. That on a Peter o'toole look alike is positively wicked. I also enjoyed the Christian cruise ticket going to waste. Sounds like a perfectly believable final thought.

[Mark L. Torrey]

Having read your mini-series 'backwards' ... I can honestly say I will go back and read them 'forwards'.  

[Edward Dean]

For me, the last line is MONEY!....Your cynical humor never ceases to entertain me.

[bolton carley]

wow!  ethan allen sofa?   omg!  i was laughing but that ending was killer.  literally.  wow.  that ending was so not what i was expecting.  i was all giddy about canasta and then boom.  such a sharp ending.  you have a serious hand for this kind of writing!

p.s. - i love ikea!  LOVE.  

[Kristine_ES]

chock crammed full with details.

did anyone else get pissed that ryan seacrest has (in the story, anyway) a $40 mil mansion, but here's poor mattie, batallions of vitimins couldn't protect her from the intruder? how'd he like to trade places with HER, homey?  

gita, you're mean, couldn't you have at least let her go on the cruise first?  (but then... that's what makes the story good.) 

[Jamie Hogan]

I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've read anything of yours that was this blunt and nasty, and whoa nelly did you pull it off. The language here is truly something else. A "creased" man and a "battalion" of bottles and sores and "why now?" which, as Other points out, only serves to heighten the absurdity of the situation. Bring those other five on, please.

[Beth Overmyer]

Love the wording "feeling the bullet part her hair." Nice ;-)

[Diana E. Backhouse]

Gita, Cita and Dorothy, I must dig out and send you the poem my son-in-law wrote after his first Ikea experience. I've been in one a couple of times, and I can't say that I would want to repeat the experience.

[Cita]

1.  You had me with Ethan Allen.  My dad sold a horse once when I was a small child, and my mother bought a whole houseful of EA with the proceeds.

2.  I have never been inside an Ikea.

3.  Sweet tea and vitamins kept the image going.  

4.  Christian Canasta Cruise paid the whole thing off.

5.  More please.

[Dorothy Pendleton]

Then I'm the second.  A part of me still longs for Ethan Allen.  In my own life, early-American yardsale is what I achieved.