She Will Lose Her Job

[Pamila Payne]

She couldn't get her eyeliner to go on straight. Her eyes kept tearing up and twitching under the sharp edge of the pencil. She rubbed at the lines with her finger, but that smeary, smoky look didn't work on her, her eyes were too intense already. She laid the pencil down beside the sink, grabbed a cigarette out of her pack, lit it, and sat down on the toilet to smoke. She looked into the half open eyes of the corpse, haphazardly submerged in bloody bath water and whispered, "God damn you, David." She glanced up at the Tinkerbell alarm clock on the bathroom shelf, always set fifteen minutes fast, and gave up on getting ready for work.



Note: This was part of a Flash Fiction challenge that Patti Abbott championed a while back. We each wrote an opening paragraph and then had to write a story based off somebody else's paragraph. This was the opener I sent out and I noticed that it was six sentences. Waste not, I say. ~P

FYI Patti's blog is a fab read: http://pattinase.blogspot.com

[Harry]

Paul David in the bath tub does somehow make it even better. Pamila I read from the link what became of your opener, and it was just fine. But I can only imagine how your own finish to this cool beginning might have been. Someone seriously must start paying you for doing what you do! $$$

[Paul D Brazill]

Thanks very much Pamila! I've just posted my para which I turned into six sentences.

[Pamila Payne]

BTW Paul, yes - the David in the bath tub was named for you.

[Pamila Payne]

I've been away for awhile, but it's so good to hear your comments. This site always draws the coolest, most generous readers and writers.

[Dan Djurdjevic]

Indeed - waste not. I agree, it has a touch of noir. The detail (attempting to apply the eyeliner) brings out so much of the character's emotion. A triumph of "show" over "tell".

[Allie]

Yes, this sounds like part of a flash piece. Nicely done. That challenge sounds great.

[Bob Clay]

So slicing up the stiff and flushing it away in small lumps is not an option ?

Just kidding .... (it doesn't work awayway) .....
Classy piece.

[Erin Cole]

hey, killin' is hard work - she should be allowed to take the day off.

[Pamila Payne]

Thanks guys. David, mine went to Sandra Seamans http://sandraseamans.blogspot.com/search?q=lost+in+vegas
She did a great job, though she shuffled the sentences around and changed a couple of things. Not complaining, I just wish I'd thought to do that on the one I got.

[Michael Solender]

very amazing..