Random Real-Life Characters

[Teresa]

1991:  The first is an ex-boyfriend thirteen years my senior who kept a photo album of conquest polaroids, who once attended a sexual/spiritual retreat employing bizarre rituals supposedly practiced by the Chiloquin Kenosha Indians, rituals which involved lying naked on the floor and chanting in a candlelit room scented with patchouli and sweat, arms and legs splayed like wings.

 

1981:  There was my stepfather's nephew, Aiden, frantically flown here from Miami on a red-eye, his auburn hair dyed black to hide from cocaine dealers, his lilliputian girlfriend a pale stripper who advised my then teenaged self to stiffen my legs and bend completely from the waist, to pretend to pick something up as "the best way to attract men."

 

2003:  For "marriage preparation" my husband and I were assigned to an established Catholic couple, Dave and Joanne Burnhardt, every Friday night for eight weeks where we prayed and discussed things like sacrements, parenting and managing bank accounts, but in our last session the couple wore revealing clothing, offered us wine and recommended specific pornographic titles.

 

1992:  The same ex with the polaroids invited a psychiatrist college buddy -- Simon -- to spend a week with us, a diminutive graying forty-something with asymmetrical nostrils who insisted he could diagnosis schizophrenia in a flat five minutes, who believed mental illness can rub off, who had temper tantrums when breakfast was late and practiced Zen Buddhism to mangage his short anger fuse; he wore red Speedo swim briefs around the house during this visit while on an extended leave of absence from a Wisconsin psychiatric hospital.

 

1982:  The attorneys I worked for after school were Deena Sneed and Linda Lynn Tudley, a chubby straw blond woman with small laughing eyes and a jittery brunette with severe myopia, dandruff and chicken legs, respectively; both were single moms who ignored the unopened mail piled high on tables in favor of a mini-fridge full of Miller Lite which they emptied daily.

 

1974:  Claudia Shackleford was our fourth grade teacher at Joy Baptist, a flat-chested stern spinster with greasy brown hair cut in a pixie; she never smiled, often thumped us hard on the head, and during reading circle while our heads were bowed (except mine) she would root around her nose with a pinkie finger then slowly, almost lovingly, slide it into her mouth.

 

 

 

[Judy Thompson]

these are wonderful, Teresa.  2003, the marriage prep and your extra description of it had me in hysterics.  You have this wonderful deft touch and a sense of the laconic  just destroys these (very deserving)  people  in one sentence. 

You have lived an interesting life.  Correction, you have survived an interesting life. 

[Mike Handley]

Love it. My fave is 1992. "Asymmetrical nostrils" slays me for some reason.

[Angela]

What to say about that?  I just do not know.

Oh!! Wait!  I know what to say!.....What The Fuck?

Of course, beautifully written, as I have come to appreciate more and more.

[Stephen Torelli]

The church wanted us to attend months of counseling prior to wedlock but we decided to marry in Denmark after three days of residency. Excellent narration. 

[Brad Rose]

These are fabulous Teresa.  Your descriptions make me envious. 

In Re #2:  I DO believe that the advice given by the Lilliputian stripper is correct.  But only if the subject bends backward.  ;)

[Ron. Lavalette]

Oh, lady, you can write.  I'm wild for your sentence construction. The characters are fascinating & the details you select to draw them are perfect but oooo-la-la for your dependent clauses, and your deft touch with my beloved semicolon. Bravo.

[Jade Kennedy]

I love the idea of picking out characters from your past and writing a descriptive sentence. It must have been quite cathartic really? The descriptions are fantastic and really bring the people to life, I especially loved

Simon -- to spend a week with us, a diminutive graying forty-something with asymmetrical nostrils who insisted he could diagnosis schizophrenia in a flat five minutes,

I think I have met this guy! or (scary thought) there are more of them then we thought!! lol

[Teresa]

@Gita ~ All the journals from this time were burned by ex #5 (except what occurred 2000 and beyond).  I can't remember directions involving street names or North, South, East, West, and I can't remember numbers beyond three digits or names right away, but I'll remember the Taco Cabana (photographically), the green metal trash can and leaning telephone pole where I'm supposed to turn to get to your house, or the picture pattern of a phone number on a keypad, your face and the face of a person you share a name so I can remember your name until it can be associated with the new face...  Shapes, patterns, pictures, smells, music by ear and feelings stick with me.  That's about it.  The details I remember are satisfying to my right brain or they're lost.

@Lynn ~ You probably do remember it, and there's so much more about this couple but I didn't have room to elaborate on the giant unsupported tee-tees and how I knew the husband wasn't wearing underpants on our last visit.

@Bill ~ I think the conservative/traditional have to be careful not to bust their impulse girdle.  The tighter it is...

@Annabelle ~ Thank you and yes, people are nuts.

@J.K. ~ Thank you so much.  My life is so full of these people, which makes me nervous. 

[J. K. Langham]

You caught MY attention - and kept me reading...believable but really whacky!

[Annabelle Baptista]

whhohoo, what a ride, it is funny how contradictory we as humans are without ever realizing it.