POV

[Judy Thompson]

He watched her move down the street, stepping hard and fast, coat unbuttoned and flapping in the wind;  he shook his head, partly in surprise,  partly in anger that she really didn't come back, not  this time.

The argument seemed to come out of nowhere, it wasn't his fault, she nagged him into saying those things and then suddenly there she was,  tight-lipped, white-faced, pulling on her coat and oh how the door slammed behind her when she left! 

It was funny, at first,  less funny when she didn't come right back the way she usually did, contrite and sobbing,  apologizing for making him angry--and he had only slapped her a few times--just  in fun, not in anger...well, maybe a little...

And  today of all days, just when he was feeling good about himself, and about her, and how things were going, she started nagging him about this and that, complaining (again!) about all his friends loafing  (yeah, that was the word, made them sound like deadbeats) in front of the TV every weekend...

He turned away from the window; called a few buddies up, told them the game was on in a few, she'd gone to her mother's for the day and they had the place to themselves....Still, he hadn't liked the way she left, that's what really bothered him, the way she never even bothered to look back, not once, to see if he was watching...

[Judy Thompson]

Ive been thinking about this a lot, and it seems that we are born this way, we have the genetics for it built in from birth.  Now I think I know why.  Passive women are the ones in history who got the guy, got the marriage, and the babies.  Laws forbade them to deny their husbands sex.  The passive, submissive women had passive girl babies.  The aggressive ones didnt marry, they were too "mannish".  So the genes for passivity and submission were passed along, generation by generation.

And now it's become pathological, hasnt it.  

thanks, Teresa.  This sort of thing does seem to inspire rants. 

[Teresa]

She better watch her back.  I watched my best friend get beat up for years.  She got married to the guy with bruises under her wedding dress.  The physical assaults turned emotional/psychological -- "fat, lazy, bitch, stupid, etc."  He liked threatening her, making her heart pound when she heard him pull into the driveway.  Sometimes he still hit her but less often.  He called this "improvement".  He finally killed her, driving drunk and flipping their van five times.  May he rot in hell.

 

Oh, and this is so well-written.  Hence my rant, ha.  Fave.

[Judy Thompson]

and she still thinks it's her fault. 11 years in the slammer just reinforces that, doesnt it.
damn.

[Gita]

Slap me once, shame on you. Slap me twice, shame on me.

"apologizing for making him angry" is SO chilling. The crazy man blames the woman (or children) for driving him to do the abusing.
"If you hadn't done such-and-such I wouldn't be so angry."  And then the woman buys into it, doesn't see the cancer that is growing.

[Jeanette Cheezum]

Thanks, Judy. I don't have the nightmares anymore.

[Judy Thompson]

Leaving is easy.  Getting out for good is almost impossible, as you so aptly stated.   You done good, Jeanette.  

[Jeanette Cheezum]

This really hits home for me. Not now, but with my fahter, step-father and first husband. I came close to death many times. It took me five times trying to leave before I was physically free. Many years to write about "Fish Wife." That was healing for the girls, and I guess me.  

After marrying the wonderful man I'm married to now, I realized how lucky I was to have had the strength to leave the demon.

[Judy Thompson]

there is something in the passive aggresive relationship that feeds both people.  bullies and victims need each other at some very primal level.  

 I suspect this particular woman was just enough cognizant of that to know if she didnt leave soon, she'd be there forever; anger is a great fuel, if you use it properly.    And knew, perhaps, that he would never physically harm her beyond the face slap.  None of this restraining order stuff.

But the women who stay grew up with controlling fathers, (again, the bully/victim thing) so it's a familiar ethic. 

Who knows.  I wish her well, at any rate.

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

I wonder what is was about this one time compared with all the others that came before that made her face reality.  Too many women stay in this sick situation and ruin their lives.

[Judy Thompson]

That Lavalette charm just keeps shinin' through, doesn't it...(I'll bet he was REALLY pissed when he found out there was no beer, too)

What her bloke has, Diana, is a serious case of sociopath.  Lotta them out there, and once you've seen one, you start to recognize the signs.  My dad was one,  and I've run across more than a few online, where they seem to have their own little corner.   It's all about 'me' and never about 'thee'...

Mike, thank you. 

Stephen, slapping is too good for him--and he'd only say it was your fault for not understanding...

One of the hardest people to leave is one of these guys, they exude charm,  concern, sex appeal.  Frankly if they didnt they'd never make it past age 12.