Poor Mr. Kitchens (part 2) "Unemployment"

[Norman Ublies]

Mr. Kitchens spent the better part of an hour, in the applications line, staring at a mole on the neck of the woman in front of him; so it was all he could do to remain calm enough to completed the darn thing. He really needed a break, so he tucked the standard sawed-off pencil into his shirt, then neatly folded the application and slipped it into his pants pocket before going to find a restroom. On his way out, Mr. Kitchens noticed a striking woman standing near the water fountain slurping an iced coffee, she smiled.

 “Hello, my name is Theodore Kitchens; I didn’t mean to stare but it’s been pretty hard to find anyone worth talking to in this place, not to mention having to wait on these government workers to start earning their money.” The woman didn’t seem to notice that he had been speaking; but quickly dumped her drink into the trash, walked over to one of the employee desks and announced with a load voice,

“Theodore Kitchens, please”

Surprised and a bit confused, Mr. Kitchens tiptoed over to her desk, pulled out the application and began to slowly unfold it.

 

[Norman Ublies]

Mr.  Kitchens has been having a bit of bad luck.

[Kristine_ES]

uh oh. tension, anyone?  will she give him the big red X, or maybe have a happy ending? 

[Norman Ublies]

I agree Gita. I wanna say so much. Darn these six sentences.  I'll edit it soon.  and Thanks!

[Gita]

OUCH!  now that's what I call a faux pas. I like the detail of the mole and the slow unfolding of the application. If this were my piece, I'd check on the verb tense in sentence one and shorten it a bit.