Physicists Propose New Theory for the Origin of Universe.

[Abhi Kantamneni]

A team of physicists at MIT have unveiled a new theory of everything titled "The Misanthropic Principle", a hypothesis that suggests 'the laws of nature and parameters of the Universe take on values that are consistent with conditions for assholes to exist.'  Simply put, it means that The Universe must have those properties which allow assholes and douchebags to develop within it at some stage in its history.

 

"The universe we see today-and our very existence-depends upon a set of highly special initial conditions" says researcher Dr Alan Pinkerton. " A small change in the value of any of our fundamental constants likely to have an effect on the the establishment and development of matter, astronomical structures or elemental diversity  as it is presently understood."

 

For example, if the universe were one tenth as old as its present age, there would not have been sufficient time to build up appreciable levels of metallicity through nucleosynthesis, which in turn means no carbon, thereby no oil or oil companies;  subsequently no international banking system and therefore no Wall Street:-  a prime source for assholes. 

 

"A Universe without assholes will cease to have something to revolve around, thereby rapidly devolving into the bleak nothingness of a quantum vacuum" says Dr.Pinkerton, before adding on a hopeful note:-  "Hey, at least then we'd be completely rid of politicians ! "

 

[Abhi Kantamneni]

@Robert I wish I could pretend it was an intentional reference Robert, but I am afraid I simply like using vaguely British sounding names for my characters. :)

@Gita  I think the allure of junk science is the same as that of shows like Jersey Shore, it is simple, morbidly entertaining and does not require one to pay much attention in order to be hooked.

[Robert Crisman]

Liked this one a lot, and especially the use of the name Alan Pinkerton, a four-star 19th and early 20th Century asshole who did the bankers' work in the labor camps of the west and elsewhere before World War I. 

[Gita]

First of all, cool six. And I like your answer to Teresa about talking to Young Earth Creationists.

I do not know why people fall for junk science so often. Maybe because they are too lazy to study real science.

In any case, I'm delighted because I have been reading up on physics lately, since my new character, Orson, is a physics professor and I am LOVING IT.  Totally deeply madly.

 

[Teresa]

You are too cool.  Thanks.

[Abhi Kantamneni]

@Teresa Radiocarbon dating of carbon  is based on the same theory and principles that have helped us develop radiology, chemotherapy, nuclear energy and a slew of other technologies, none of which would be possible, if we were fundamentally wrong about the nature of radioactive decay of carbon. It is considered to be not accurate if you are trying to date objects created after the year 1950, because we did some nuclear tests that may have messed up the scales in terms of how much C14 exists in the atmosphere, but is believed to be largely accurate for ages before that.

When we find fossils, we estimate their age not only based on C14 dating but also based on our knowledge of other things like soil layers etc.

But all this nuance might be lost on Young Earth Creationists, so if you wanted to debate them I suppose you could point out the fact that, even if they were to completely reject a whole body of years of scientific evidence and choose not to believe in the effectiveness of radiocarbon dating, they still have no evidence to prove their case because all that they are making is a God of the gaps argument.  :)

[Teresa]

I like it when you have fun with science.  And while I have you here, do you think it's possible for carbon dating to slow or accelerate significantly?  This topic came up during one of those "why does the church argue with science about how old the world is?" discussions.  I couldn't argue but I'd like to...;-)

[Javed Baloch]

I had to follow the link in ur comment and read the bit about The Anthropic Principle before reading this one. And I am glad I did. And apparently the Universe has obliged, since the douchebags and co. seem to be getting the best of both worlds.

[Abhi Kantamneni]

This is a lot more fun if you knew about The Anthropic Principle