Obsession

[Teresa]

Gerald only wanted to be good.

 

In the beginning they happened ten to twelve times a day, prayers sent with his eyes open toward a clear patch of blue sky or a section of unblemished white wall.  When he decided he must genuflect before each prayer it became too much of a spectacle, so Gerald prayed for God's permission to genuflect with a single finger deep inside a pants pocket.

 

To compensate for the unusual change in ritual he would genuflect with both hands in his pockets, ten times per prayer, thirty times on Sundays; he felt good about this and his prayers continued, uninterrupted, freely in private, surreptitiously in public, until the day he wore gym shorts without pockets.

 

His tongue, he would genuflect with his tongue he decided, then one Easter he prayed for three days, his tongue rising and wagging in continuous worship on the subway, in the mall, at the coffee shop, even while eating which he thought quite brilliant until his tongue gave out at Subway and he choked on a 6" tuna with extra vinegar and pickles.

 

No one noticed Gerald was turning blue.

[bolton carley]

oh, how horrifying and beautifully written.  the ending so brief and so visual.

[Javed Baloch]

Ok, scrolling down the main page I noticed 13 comments on this one and couldn't resist. And I am so glad that I did. This is a brilliant piece. Gerald's quite a character.

Totally echo Cita, hard to fugget this one! Hats off Teresa!

[Cita]

I will never forget this piece of writing.

[Jadie Jones]

I love, love the last line. It's such a perfect, succinct exhale for the first 5. Very well done.

[Ron. Lavalette]

Great.  I spend my whole working day among the Geralds & I have to come home to yours.  Thanks a bunch, T.

For what it's worth, I could show this to at least two of the guys I work with & they'd be asking me where they'd met you.

Brilliant.

[Angela]

This is so beautiful and tragic.  I was with him every step of the way.  Then that thing with the sandwich happened.  

[Teresa]

Thanks guys/gals.

@Stephen ~ I still catch myself spontaneously praying an old childhood prayer I made up, one that would cover EVERYTHING I had done and forgotten about.  I stop myself mid-prayer and ask, Why am I doing this?

@Galen ~ Thank you so much.

@Toby ~ I listened carefully to the priest's prayer last Sunday, and his wording was, "Dear Father, deliver us from our fear of the approaching hurricane."  So he didn't ask God to spare us, but to spare us the fear.  I figure prayer is a meditation, a centering of the mind.  It might indeed make us feel more peaceful.

@Brittany ~ You nailed it.  The feeling of submitting is troubling, because I'm not sure who/what I'm submitting to.

@Bill ~ You're beautifully sick.  Fantastically sick.  Sickeningly sick.  That's why I adore you.

@Simon ~ I think this site is a whole bunch of members of the Club of One.  We've finally found a gathering place where we can gather without gathering...;-)  Thank you sir.

[Simon Halliday]

Ha ha Teresa. This is a hoot.

If this were self-observation, I'd be thinking about Stephen's early years in Joyce's Portrait ... it's the young-boy thing of plans and secret doings that nobody else can understand - the Club of One.

Like it a lot.

[Brittany]

strange how we justify certain behaviors and feelings huh? this seems spot on but then again my issue is with pillows and carpets. genuflecting has always bothered me and now that I've experienced a few religions and their behavior I dislike the feeling of submitting even more. great piece here! I think you addressed quite a few issues in this one piece beautifully.

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

Question:  Why do people compulsively pray even when their prayers have no effect?  Does it have some other beneficial result--like making your blood pressure go down?