More Experienced Ghosts IV

[Teresa]

There is a wooden door from a shed built in the 1780's, moved from Chappaquiddick in the 1800's and now on display at the Martha's Vineyard Museum in Edgartown; the messages on the door are handwritten, changes in weather and unique events chronicled, like storms and harbor freezes. 

 

One week ago I stood before the door as if it were the communal grave of those who once gathered behind it for shelter and to tell stories, then I ignored the DO NOT TOUCH sign and placed my finger lightly on the word "broken".

 

~~~

 

On Tuesday, yellow tape and emergency vehicles walled off a large section of SugarLand's Highway 6 for a Life Flight helicopter to land.  Out of habit, I silently whispered Say a prayer to hundreds of onlookers, just before we were dusted with flying bits of ground debris as the broken woman's body was lifted into blue skies.

 

When traffic moved again I remembered what I was thinking before the chaos, the song Fallen during the scene in Pretty Woman as Richard Gere and Julia Roberts board a small plane to attend the opera, La traviata, about a rich man who falls in love with a courtesan.

 

The movie ending was Hollywood fluff, a reconception of the original dark comedy as the audience preferred fantasy to a cautionary tale about class and prostitution, eyes turned to blue skies, failing to see the red lights ahead.

 

*REWRITE of #6:  The movie ending was Hollywood fluff, a reconception of the original dark comedy as humans prefer fantasy to cautionary tales about class and prostitution, and for all we know the woman on the ground had traded the writing on the wall for a dream, then closed her eyes at the light burning red.

 

**REWRITE of #6:  The movie ending was Hollywood fluff, a reconception of the original dark comedy as humans prefer fantasy to cautionary tales about class and prostitution, dreaming to seeing the writing on the wall and lights burning red. 

 

***REWRITE of #6:  The movie ending was Hollywood fluff, a reconception of the original dark comedy as humans prefer fantasy to cautionary tales about class and prostitution, dreaming to the writing on the wall and red lights ahead. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Mike Handley]

Actually seeing the evolution and photo make this even more delicious, T. As a journal entry, it's perfect. Doesn't have to be a whole story when you're sharing anecdotes.

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

I love seeing revisions.  A year ago or so I read the original of Raymond Carver's story "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love," which was then called "Beginnings."  It was really instructive to see the edits made by Gordon Lish, his editor.  Striking out whole phrases and even paragraphs to make the story tighter changed the tone, the characters, and even the meaning of the story.

 

This six is an interesting project because the first version seemed to be disconnected, but now it is more connected.  If this were fiction, I would say to build upon the second part into the first part to make it one unified theme. 

[Teresa]

Another edit of #6, and #2's "storm" changed to "broken".  And now I have to go take a shower.  And honestly, I find that the more editing that seems necessary, the weaker the original conception of the six, and yet, Pretty Woman turned out okay, despite so many radical changes.  Who knows.  Creativity is a big mystery, one we won't trust Leher to explain again...;-)

[Teresa]

No, I don't think it needs the full treatment.  I'd rather see the various stages of process.  In fact, my last sentence has changed once again and now it's a monster.  I can't make it what I want it to be.  I may post subsequent changes beneath it, just to show how insane and convoluted process can be.

[Joey Delgado]

The new last sentence is great. You expanded on the danger of being distracted by Hollywood 'fluff'. The pre-edited piece was great, but the newest incarnation is far superior. Definitely a gorgeously written cautionary six. :)

But this brings up a question I have been longing to ask. I enjoy reading people's sixes in the rawest form possible (as long as it's coherent). It's amazing to see what people can come up with when they are under an idea's spell. I can almost see the smoke coming off the keys. 

Editing is a must, but do you think a piece needs the full treatment before posting?  

[Teresa]

Thanks Joey.  I edited a little since your comment because the two sections are difficult to connect, linked by a long stretch, but I loved this door and I saw it together with the moment of the accident, having just heard lyrics about writing on the wall in a prior song lyric, then my Fallen daydream of exotic plane trips to great destinations (like Martha's Vineyard), the woman on the ground and Life Flight and how fantasy distorts or blinds us to reality.  I think the final Ghost installment will tie it all together better.  I write and post these immediately, when maybe I should sit with them for a while longer...;-) 

[Joey Delgado]

Oh, I hope the woman is okay.

I read your piece a few times and at first I was thinking you were connecting the illicit touching of the word 'Storm' and the accident last Tuesday. I pictured a voice, a James Earl Jones voice saying, "Ye who shall toucheth this planketh of wood shall suffer the consequences."

But now it seems to me you were talking about storms, not just those created by weather, but also what we call (and please forgive me) s*#$ storms, that can happen under the bluest sky.

This is the best kind of writing. Thanks for this. :)