Marriage

[Bob Clay]

I'm a private investigator, a PI, a Dick (please don't, I've heard every 'dick' joke that's been thought of and a few that haven't) which some might think is a pretty cool job, something sharp and precise from say a Chandler book, or perhaps acerbic and semi-psychopathic from a Spillane book, but it isn't really, in the main it's about marriage. Forgive my cynicism, but I make my living out of failing marriages, I get hired by unhappy and bitter spouses to gather evidence on their other halves, you are much more likely to find me armed with a Nikon SLR camera than a snub-nosed thirty-eight or a Colt forty-five.

 

You see divorce is now part of our culture, the luvvy duvvy bit fades away and leaves two bench files being rubbed together making a lot of heat and a loud grating noise, even kids don't get in the way of divorce, they either get swapped around like pawns on a chessboard or dumped on one or other set of grandparents (assuming they aren't divorced either ... !!).

 

Back in the day this wasn't so, it couldn't be because one side of the marriage had to go out and hunt a mammoth while the other pumped out kids and glued the family together and tidied up the cave a bit, divorce wasn't an option because there were no careers , no alternatives, only Survival 101 and anyway, both sets of grandparents had been eaten last summer by a sabre tooth tiger, or a dire wolf, or whatever the hell else was running around the countryside in those days.

 

Well it keeps me in a living, a good one, but all that is tasting a bit sour now because my wife has just slapped down a photograph of me in a slightly compromising position with a young lady in a dress so short it would barely make a collar, and this is unfair because I was on a case and was interrogating the girl, but one thing led to another .... and ... well ... the wife doesn't believe me.  She got the photograph from a fucking private investigator, I've been dicked by a dick ... oh dear ... another dick joke ... except the joke is on me because I’m still in the luvvy duvvy stage with her.

[Angela]

Well, "dicked by a dick" was pretty funny, like T said.  The dress that wouldn't make a collar was kind of fun to think about wearing.

[Teresa]

"both sets of grandparents had been eaten last summer by a sabre tooth tiger" and "in a dress so short it would barely make a collar" made my day.  And "dicked by a dick".   Funny. 

[Sandra Davies]

I'm desperately trying to think how to work a dick-bulled platypuss in there somewhere ... but remember that my children tell me I have no sense of humour so it is not surprising that I can't.  

A typically efficient Bob Cly in depth investigation into PI though ...

[Gita]

Oh crikey, why couldn't you just keep it in yer trousers? 

[Judy Thompson]

what you might call up close and personal investigating, lol.  Nice job, authentic voice all the way through.