Learning To Count

[Deborah Jovan Reed]

Willowy punishment I’m forced to prepare from the swamps outside to make a lattice work from my baby flesh as I lay staked to the bed to remove any chance of escape from my step-father’s entertainment which is always left open to the public eye of the family.

My stomach is as empty as my mind as I count the blows - a mathematical education at the tender age of five: Whi-tsch, “Don’t”; Whi-tsch, “Lemme”;Whi-tsch, “Hear”; Whi-tsch, “You”; Whi-tsch, “Cry”; Whi-tsch, “Again”; Whi-tsch, “You”; Whi-tsch, “High”; Whi-tsch, “Yella”; Whi-tsch, “Nigga”!

Each slash across my backside.

Every miss across my back.

I don’t know what number comes next so it’s time to wait until he’s satisfied and can shower after a hard day’s work while I hide all traces and settle down for lunch.

Another book to fulfill my needs - the glue tastes oddly sweet.

[Deborah Jovan Reed]

Thanks everyone and I don't see myself writing memoir unless its like Fragments: Memories of a Wartime Childhood by Binjamin Wilkomirski; because like him I don't remember it all - before I started keeping a journal at 16, my entire life is non-existent.
It's difficult to explain - well, not difficult but exhaustive.
I've tried on a number of occasions for my family to fill in the blanks but, sadly, nobody wants to talk about the past and when my sister - who was older - even hears the word Atlanta (where most of the events occurred) she breaks down crying. If anyone, I think she needs to write memoir to get over the pain.

Since to me most of it is behind a veil, it's why I like fiction, because I can write what I know - think I know - and nobody can say, "THAT NEVER HAPPENED!"

[Teresa]

So you lived on the insideof yourself, right? I don't like to see art born from pain or artists emerging from this sort of fire, but it happens, sadly. Maybe its the compensation, if there is such a thing. I hope this is all going into a memoir you intend to publish. Some have used 6S as a "pump primer", to get the juices flowing before they sit down to work on their books. Your voice is gorgeous and true. You can go as far as you wish with it. And have you been told lately: You are a gifted writer...?

[Joseph Lupoli]

From personal experience as a child and by witnessing physical and mental abuse inflicted upon other children by orphanage staff.

[Deborah Jovan Reed]

Personal experience or counseling the disabled - or both?

[Joseph Lupoli]

Gut wrenching six, Deborah. I would have found this piece disturbing if I couldn't identify with it so much. Bravo.

[Deborah Jovan Reed]

Thank you both, DD and Paul. I love finding my words getting the reaction I was hoping for. Made my night.

[Joe Gensle]

OMG. I mean... OMG!! This is as raw and painful as the "Whi-tsch." There's honesty, and then brutal honesty. This is the latter, expressed in so few relative words with so very much vividness.

[Paul de Denus]

The honesty and pain of this is horrific... brave writing Deborah