Kerry's Wallet

[Shannon E. Kennedy]

I keep Kerry's wallet in a ziplock bag. Seven years later, it still smells of worn leather and stale Marlboro Reds. I can't remember where it turned up or how I got it, but I have it. I think he left it in his unlocked car along with a duffel bag filled with notebooks, newspapers and dirty clothes.

The first time I opened his billfold, he had $137.00 dollar tucked neatly inside. A one-hundred dollar bill, one ten, two fives, and the rest singles. Days later, the hundred dollar bill was gone. Maybe somebody needed it more than Kerry. Maybe Kerry owed them money. I don't know why someone took it. It bothered me a lot back then. I'm sort of numb to it now.

Along side his cash, are four photo's of his year-old son Jackson, dressed in red. In three of the photo's Jackson is smiling, a big, toothless grin. In the other, he is peaking out from under a blanket, full of wonderment and awe.

Kerry saved his ATM receipts. His last withdrawal of $20.00, posted on May 24th, left him a balance of $87.81. Two, double folded metro north train receipts show he and a guest rode from Greenwich to Grand Central - one way, off peak.

He kept evidence of pensive purchases made at Pathmark, Home Depot, Staples and Models. Cashier Marnie noted that it was "A Pleasure to Serve Him" and that cash refunds were with receipt only.

In the center of his top-grain, cowhide wallet, directly behind his drivers license, he kept a Detectives Endowment Association Card issued by the City of New York's Police Department, Zig-Zag papers, a Blockbuster rewards card, three bank cards, and a Chinese, "good luck" red envelope with his name written on it.

To the side he tucked a few business-cards from notable people or places he had been, along with an original copy of his brides second trimester sonogram; a first glimpse at his son, in utero, sucking his thumb.

A CVS receipt proves his intent to obtain over the counter sleeping pills. On May 27th, 2002 at 12:14 am, he spent $31.77 on two, 32-capsule packages of rapid release Unisom, and one, 72-capsule package of quick release Nytol.

On March 26, 2002, Connecticut held a classic lotto drawing worth 6 million dollars. Kerry purchased two, $5.00 quick picks - which tells me that, on this day, he was hopeful.


***

Especially during this holiday season, please take the time to reach out to those who may be suffering. To listen, validate, comfort, and be present with them. Allow them to be vulnerable, honest, and awake; and engage them with hope.

In Honor and In Memory
Kerry Ryan Magann
kerrymagann.com
Because you asked us to tell your son that you had some good, and I promise to tell the world.

[Absolutely*Kate]

Too bad you didn't write this one Shannon . . . your heart straight'up did. And it was heard and it reverberated and if it graced your soul a bit in its bounce'back action, then ... that was a very good thing. Without the wallet pulled out, you have this story and the sensitivity of strength in your commenters to be not 'alone' in any pain. And Shannon?

I sure think Kerry liked the way you winged this one out.
~ Blessings ... Absolutely*Kate . . . (hug's inclusive)

[Shannon E. Kennedy]

that was really helpful Teresa. thank you for reminding me how important it is to feel my words. this was fresh so, you are right, it came out easy.

[Teresa]

Inanimate objects take on a whole new meaning when their owners leave. They suddenly seem alive and want to tell us stories no one else can.

This, more than any other piece I've seen from you, was alive. When we know without a doubt how we feel about a subject, the writing easily flows, and this read as effortlessly as if you were merely taking dictation. This work resonates with me for other reasons but I'm mostly impressed that you could tap into that sage voice deep within and write through and past the pain. This was way beyond excellent. My only gripe is that you seriously messed up my mascara.

[Shannon E. Kennedy]

thank you for reading about Kerry. And Donald........I have no words yet, (but I'm working on it) other than thank you. I felt so happy yesterday, writing about my beautiful son, with his wallet and the contents of it surrounding me. today, I feel a bit empty and all your comments have really helped. thanks for reaching out to ME!

[Ann Mintz]

This is truly wonderful. Thank you for honoring his memory this way.

[Oceana Setaysha]

In many ways, this was one of the saddest things I have ever read. But in others it was the most beautiful. Often, it is the things people leave behind that we can keep close to us, more than memories because we can hold them to our heart, and it seems as though they are right beside us again.

[Shannon E. Kennedy]

Gita, this started out as a Lottery Challenge, and then it ran away with me. Thank you!