What can YOU say in six sentences?
The U.S. Postal Service and the F.D.I.C Wells Fargo Bank have officially confirmed that Jesus is now in residence at the Handley home and has been verified by Jesus’ personal spokesperson, Michelle Bachmann.
Mikes law firm of ‘Dewey, Cheetum and Howe’ have issued a ‘cease and desist’ order to the Vatican and all television ministries to forthwith remit all funds to his new ‘brother’s keeper’, Mike Handley who has graciously agreed to handle all funds for gratis, through his Swiss banker, Ed Dean whose inscrutable financial record has been verified by the R.N.C. and Madoff, Icahn Securities.
Gita Smith has tendered her resignation of her extremely lucrative position at the at the U. to manage the necessary oversized staff and is currently looking for a pool manager to oversee and schedule the Walking on Water tours but please be aware Crisman and Associates will be the sole purveyor of the Jesus on Velvet paintings done by none other than Mr. Handley and a second offering of a Jesus and Elvis duo. Mr. Crisman will also be selling genuine Jesus excrement encased in 100% recycled plastic to accommodate the need for new ‘relics’.
All new checks should be made payable to the Smith Christian Foundation and mailed to the New Handley Ranch, formally known as La Costa, (Jesus’ new winter home).
All press releases, bookings and complaints will be the sole responsibility of Cortez, Davies and Davies Public Relations: (not that the ladies will but they do have flashing tendencies).