Jesus Lives!.........and now resides in Alabama.

[Edward Dean]

 

 

The U.S. Postal Service and the F.D.I.C Wells Fargo Bank have officially confirmed that Jesus is now in residence at the Handley home and has been verified by Jesus’ personal spokesperson, Michelle Bachmann.

Mikes law firm of ‘Dewey, Cheetum and Howe’ have issued a ‘cease and desist’ order to the Vatican and all television ministries to forthwith remit all funds to his new ‘brother’s  keeper’, Mike Handley who has graciously agreed to handle all funds for gratis, through his Swiss banker, Ed Dean whose inscrutable financial record has been verified by the R.N.C. and Madoff, Icahn Securities.

Gita Smith has tendered her resignation of her extremely lucrative position at the at the U. to manage the necessary oversized staff and is currently looking for a pool manager to oversee and schedule the Walking on Water tours but please be aware Crisman and Associates will be the sole purveyor of the Jesus on Velvet paintings done by none other than Mr. Handley and a second offering of a Jesus and Elvis duo. Mr. Crisman will also be selling genuine Jesus excrement encased in 100% recycled plastic to accommodate the need for new ‘relics’.  

All new checks should be made payable to the Smith Christian Foundation and mailed to the New Handley Ranch, formally known as La Costa, (Jesus’ new winter home).

All press releases, bookings and complaints will be the sole responsibility of Cortez, Davies and Davies Public Relations: (not that the ladies will but they do have flashing tendencies).

 

[jkdavies]

I think Bolton should have the Public Relations Officer post given her last blog ;)

I can do the complaints... Ed. this wine isn't chilled enough ;)

[Travis Smith]

Good thing I dropped out...I mean transferred to a different school - and my actual alma mater had nothing more than a really good women's soccer team (in division II).  Hard to give up the allegiance of your first couple of years college though when it comes to college football.

[Mike Handley]

Oh, no, He would never yell that. He would yell War Eagle. But, alas, you're still screwed. :-)

[Travis Smith]

I am realizing that if there really is a Jesus, and he really does live in Alabama I am double screwed.  My list of transgressions is long enough on its own, but the fact that I used to go to Florida could really hurt my chances of redemption if Jesus is yellin' "Roll Tide".

[Angela]

Glad to know I have friends in the right places.  I want a Sin Pass.

[Edward Dean]

Corporate insurrection already??????...............As Mr. Handley's chief financial officer, did I mention executive bonus's start at 5 Million dollars?????............ And that's not counting stock options! Can I get a big amen or hallelujah out there?

@ Gita; "Crowd of Tourin' "??? I am the biggest sucker in the world for puns. .....Luv it!

@ T; "Miracles are not intended or implied and all health risks are the sole (or soul) responsibility of the purchaser!" ...........Did I tell you that we are now in negotiations with Tiffany to encapsulate them in crystal or amber to reach a world wide market?? Please don't mention this to anyone as it may be misconstrued as 'insider trading' and you know what happened to Martha!

[Jeanette Cheezum]

HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA  HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA  I needed this. Thanks!

[Joe Gensle]

You nailed this one, Eduardo.

[Robert Crisman]

Nah, forget the dookie. I've got his signed IOU notes from that time he went busted trying to pay off that delivery bill he racked up in Cana after that wedding. They're made out to Big Al's Loaves And Fishes and I think that they'd fetch a bundle on the open market, don't you?

[Gita]

I wish to be left out of this enterprise entirely. I have my own business: finding images of Jesus on old barns, on slices of French toast and on rain-slicked roads. I take people around the country to see these images as they appear. We call it The Crowd of Tourin'