What can YOU say in six sentences?
Joe Paterno's family has announced that they're launching their own investigation into the Jerry Sandusky-Penn State rape scandal, insisting that the truth re Old Joe has not yet been told.
I suppose that's not quite as dumb as O.J.'s claim in the wake of his trial that he would bring Nicole's real killer to justice.
Later he said that he thought he'd gotten a look at the guy on the 16th hole of some golf course; turns out, however, it was just some raccoon that he saw out the corner of his eye as he shanked his ball into the woods, a near-impossible duffer-esque fuckup from that vantage point on the fairway, and so much for a gimme par three on the hole...
There was actually some speculation if that was the coon that tore up his finger the night that Nicole and Goldman got killed; O.J.'d been trying to blast his way out of a sandtrap that night on the very same course's hole nine, and he told the cops that the coon had gone straight for his nuts and--no, wait, it was the Bronco, he cut the damn finger fucking around in the Bronco and--wait, that's not it, it was...
Jerry Sandusky! The guy went straight for his nuts!