What can YOU say in six sentences?
what are you doing he asks in that tone of his that i can never really tell if he is alarmed or irritated or confused or pissed or what and i know no matter how i answer him it will be wrong and my tone will not be appropriate to his question and whatever my tone is he will make it sound as if it is my fault that he is so hard to decipher.
of course, it is not just him that i cannot figure out; everybody asks questions that i do not understand, it is just that his are the most irritating.
so i tell him i am reading a book but he doesn’t like my tone so he says fuck I was just asking you what you were doing and i say well fuck can’t you see i’m reading a goddam book.
so he says a bunch of other shit that i can’t even remember or really he says a bunch of stuff i really choose to not remember because if i do remember i will want to kill him again (or cry just to make him feel bad).
not that i killed him already and i want to do it a second time, but that i have wanted to kill him many times before and i do not think that thinking like that is good for my mental health.
he gets up and leaves the room and comes back with ice cream but none for me, not to be punishing (i don’t think so, but maybe, yes to be punishing, who the fuck can tell) but i have lactose intolerance, not that new fucking gluten shit that everyone has nowadays so even if he decided to be nice by bringing me ice cream i wouldn’t be able to enjoy it.