Inspiration from Cita and The Bible (2x6)

[FlowerChild]

"You know you are all grown up when you realize that even with your heart feeling like it has the mother of all hangovers, you are going to love again."

I said I was never going to write about him on here again, and I meant that....

so this is not about him, this is about someone else; his name is Jack Daniels, and we have a rocky relationship:

when I was younger, I knew nothing about him,

when I got older, I resented my mother's attraction to him, 

and now, I have just gotten over being nauseous when simply thinking about him. 

God he tasted sweet and when disguised as something else he tastes even better.

He made my stars spin in my sky and my knees go weak when he touches my lips.

But he also makes me puke and my head pound. 

I got over that hangover, just as I got over the hangover Erik gave my heart...and I learned to love again.

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"Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever, Amen."

I remember Vacation Bible School, wednesday night Bible Study, her morning devotionals out of that book with the boring color, and the old chinese man who baptized him in our horse trough while he looked only at her. 

I don't ever remember anyone ever talking to me about who He was or what His son did, I don't remember it being discussed or us praying together; it was like faith was a private personal matter instead of one to be shared and celebrated.

Later I remember the jokes, the callous indifference to the whole subject, the sleepy Sunday mornings, the feeling of being special, of being different, the vanished devotionals. 

I remember a long talk in a California hotel bathroom and resentment spilled like blood about how "if "He" loved me why did this happen", and my resentment of anything that tried to make me feel good.

Now, I know that none of that matters, that it doesn't matter what my pastor thinks or my friends think or anything else because my God is no one else's God and He loves me for me, invisibly, immortally, eternally, warts and all, and I will honor Him in my own way, with art in my writing and on my body, with my joy and my laughter and everything I do I know He guides me...and that is my choice, not yours, not hers, not his, or anyone else's. 

[Mike Handley]

Ditto Lapham.