I Was Dick Cheney’s Mistress (as told to Gita Smith)

[Gita]

 

“He was 50 years old when I met him in 1991 on a visit to Saudi Arabia where I was a translator,  and our affair lasted until  the day he shot  Harry Whittington in the face and heart while quail hunting.
I broke it off because the one thing I can’t abide is a man who can’t handle his firearms.

We never discussed politics or foreign policy, although he loved jokes about President Clinton's penis, and he called President  Dubya Bush 'Mr. Poopy Potato-Head.' Mostly, we played dress-up (nurse and baby, school mistress and naughty boy) or slap-and-tickle in lavish hotel rooms and foreign palaces.

Some things you might not know about Dick are, he is afraid of the number eight, hates any foods or beverages that are pink and cringes from the feel of plastic seat covers.

When I phoned him to say it was over, he cried a little bit, but the sheriffs were at the ranch to investigate the shooting and I suspect he used his tears to his advantage when he was questioned.”

[Michael Brown]

Too damn funny. You know I love it when you do that. (That's what he said.)

[Brittany]

I smile at the thought of him being spanked with a bib on.

[Gita]

Babies in aspic. Babies jubilee.

[Robert Crisman]

But he'd have her over for dinner and those babies du jour were divine!

[Gita]

Y'all please forgive Bill Floyd. He had a man-crush on Dick Cheney for a little while.

[Bill Floyd]

Another of their favorite role-playing games: interrogator and detainee.

[Bill Floyd]

Did she keep a defibrillator handy?  Ha!  Rim shot!

[Angela]

Slap and tickle?  What is that?

[Joey Delgado]

Hahaha! Hilarious. Totally can picture him in a schoolboy outfit, bent over his mistresses knee, having his ass slapped by a ruler. This is great comic writing. Yes! A series of these sketches about American politicians would be awesome. :)

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

The story has a great arc and fabulous humor.  Would you consider an expose of Rick Santorum?