How Teeny Became the Talk of the Town

[Gita]

It was time to crown the Shelby County Watermelon Queen of 2012, and Teeny had set her jaw to win the title.

Due to a scarcity of lovely contestants between the ages of 18-25 (caused by a brain drain away to Beauty School in Atlanta and the new drug-testing requirement) the title was open to women of all ages as long as they paid the $35 entry fee.

“What do you have to do to win,?” I asked somewhat skeptically, knowing Teeny had no pageant-appropriate talents, and she possessed the charm equivalent of a cholla cactus.

Teeny went down to the church basement, her hair in a fluffy halo around her face and a smear of her sister’s stolen lipstick accentuating her  least attractive feature, a hardware store of a smile.

For her talent, Teeny lined up a row of small buckets at the edge of the stage, stepped back ten paces, and spat watermelon seeds flawlessly into each bucket in turn with a decisive ping -- which brought a wall of applause from the audience.

But: When asked her “personality question,” which was “How can we use watermelons to end world hunger,” Teeny looked at the judges (including school Principal “halitosis” DeLosis) and said, “Bitch, ain’t y’all already figured out that you give everyone a melon and just tell ‘em to replant the seeds?”

[Justine Dunn]

Love it!

[Teresa]

I've missed Teeny.  Her name does not reflect her, um, sweet personality...;-)

[Gita]

No fair posting chollas in bloom. You make them look harmless. I've encountered chollas in the Joshua Tree and I stand by the photo I posted, below yours.

[Cita]

I have to stand up for the lowly cholla.  Here in Arizona, or at least my mountains, they look like this:

and the fruit is good to eat.  (Love your Teeny stories, Lady G.)

[Simon Halliday]

Ha ha. Poifect.

[Angela]

Enjoyed the reappearance of Teeny and also Hal. D.  You surprise me with the way you set up seemingly impossible situations and bring them to an outrageous yet believable end.

More Teeny, always.

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

I also loved hardware store of a smile.  Teeny definitely has a personality.  As for the question, what better answer is there????

[Mike Handley]

Outstanding, for all the reasons cited. Faved.

[Gita]

Thanks for going back and reading the oldies, Joey. That puts you waaay up on my list of favorite people.

[Joey Delgado]

Read this and immediately read everyting else tagged with the word 'Teeny'. Love your adventures together, Tom and Huck reincarnate. :) Great stories.