House MD in Six

[Bob Clay]

In the Russian quarter of Newark Don Ciavanoni is doing a Cossack dance when he suddenly clutches his stomach and screams, (close up of strange gluppy tubes that ooze blood, change colour then spurt glup in all directions.)

House leans on cane by whiteboard then suddenly stares at wall with glazed expression for a few seconds, then turns to team and says, “He has a case of Plumbumis Colonis Interruptus.”

Cameron looks at House and sighs while chase looks at Cameron, sighs and thinks, “That beyowtiful Sheila is moiking me feel like I got a Wallaby in ma strides.”

Foreman dismisses the diagnosis with a withering look and says “You have absolutely no evidence to support that, this is clearly a neurological problem that is effecting the pancreatic nerve distribution, or maybe it’s Lupus.”

House turns to his team scornfully and says, “Clearly you haven’t read the history properly, the patient was dancing the Cossack dance, yet he has an Italian name, in fact he was a mafia suspect, but his grandmother was a cousin to Stalin, hence the middle name ‘Ruskova’ and while he was certainly mafia, it was Russian mafia, and the condition Plumbumis Colonis Interruptus, or in plain non-medical-genius language, a .44 calibre wadcutter shot up the ass from close range, is a typical condition found in mafia types who have fell out of favour, in all fairness both Russian and Italian versions.”

The team shake their head in disbelief and wonder why they do this job as they never get it right, and to rub it in House says ‘I told you it wasn’t Lupus.”

[Bob Clay]

Skivvies ?  SKIVVIES ?  (Budgie Smugglers in Chase language.)

[Gita]

Good six.   Hey Bob -- have you seen the Sherlock series with Benedict Cumberbund (or whatever)? He and House do that same thing. Rattle off evidence at the speed of light and leave everyone in the room standing in their drawers (skivvies to you).  Rapid speech and smarmy attitude do not a genius make and don't you want to just slap the bugger who talks that way?