Her Sex Life (with revision)

[Teresa]

She lost her virginity at fifteen to an eighteen year old boy named John, said it hurt, details my mother only shared because I'd asked for them, but it's one of only a few conversations with her that I can't visualize or place in time.

 

It was while I was unpacking my suitcase in her apartment's one bedroom that I told her I'd finally started my period at the late extreme of normal; I stated this matter-of-factly, as an essential catch-up item between a mother and daughter who hadn't seen each other but twice in three years.

 

She learned I'd lost my virginity by eavesdropping on a phone call to my best friend Deedee, then sat me down at the kitchen table to discuss what would turn out to be my erroneous suspicion of pregnancy and her anti-abortion views; for the first time in my life I was prepared to disagree with her.

 

Another disembodied conversation was about sex with my father, how she "hated him" when he climaxed, which could have meant that she was never satisfied or grew tired of his raging libido which Vivian, his third wife more than a decade down the road, spoke of with a smile.

 

After my parents' divorce my mother slept with at least five men, married all but one, but there were surely experiments between men, like the woman at the halfway house who always flirted with her, then the experience she never mentioned to me but that my sister knew about, the time she woke up tied to a bed in a strange motel room, her purse and money gone.

 

During her final year, at the same kitchen table where we'd had our big-girl talk, my mother complained to an AA friend about Red, her fifth husband, that she was "tired of being a once-a-week fuck", which was the first and last time I heard her use the word.

 

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REVISION:  Two Sixes

 

She lost her virginity at fifteen to an eighteen year old boy named John, said it hurt.  Those were details my mother only shared because I'd asked for them, but it's one of only a few conversations with her that I can't visualize or place in time.

 

It was while I was unpacking my suitcase in her apartment's one bedroom that I told her I'd finally started my period at the late extreme of normal.  I stated this matter-of-factly, as an essential catch-up item between a mother and daughter who hadn't seen each other but twice in three years.

 

She learned I'd lost my virginity by eavesdropping on a phone call to my best friend Deedee.  She sat me down at the kitchen table to discuss what would turn out to be my erroneous suspicion of pregnancy and her anti-abortion views, and for the first time in my life, I was prepared to disagree with her.

 

~~~

 

Another disembodied conversation was about sex with my father, how she "hated him when he climaxed."  She could have meant that she was never satisfied, or that she grew tired of his raging libido whichVivian, his third wife more than a decade down the road, would later speak of with a smile.

 

After my parents' divorce my mother slept with at least five men, married all but one, but there were surely experiments between men.  Like the woman at the halfway house who always flirted with her, and the experience she never mentioned to me but that my sister knew about, of waking up tied to a bed in a strange motel room, her purse and money gone.

 

During her final year, at the same kitchen table where we had our big-girl talk, my mother complained to an AA friend about Red, her fifth husband.  She said she was "tired of being a once-a-week fuck", which was the first and last time I heard her use the word.

[Brittany]

I like the first one too (but then I can be a grammar disaster) anyway, I find it very telling that the first time you were ready to disagree with her was about her views on abortion. It speaks to me about how much a person (child, teenager) absorbs before they choose to stand up. I remember vividly the first time I verbally disagreed with my Dad, and it was a heated discussion about his drinking when I was 14. Great piece, T.

[Bill Floyd]

The frankness with which you relate many of these ultra-personal stories is humbling to me.  The craftsmanship with which you do so is instructive.  I personally think it works as is, but then I'm a fan of winding sentence structure.

[Joey Delgado]

Great revision! I think it allowed me to take in the contents of the sentences a little better. I love it. The piece seems so honest and so "disembodied",, the emotion seething beneath the surface. It's amazing how pieces of our parents' sexual lives are so sparingly peppered into our conversations as the years go by. Great job, Teresa.

[Teresa]

Thanks y'all.  The title of this is awful.  But the whole 'becoming a woman' thing and being close to your mother is important, just like becoming a man and needing your father.  And I had to squeeze a lifetime out of eighteen years.  But the title is wrong.  I usually don't struggle with titles.  I wrote the original six in about fifteen minutes.  I was folding laundry and suddenly saw the contents of that suitcase on my mother's bed.  I played a game to see how many conversations I could remember about sex.  There was one more which didn't fit.  Why did I write this?  I don't know.  My mother would say, "Seemed like a good idea at the time."  Maybe a little inappropriate, but it was part of who we were, what shaped us in a short time. 

[Gita]

I think it wanted to be set free, and it shows.  Very good revision.

[Jeanette Cheezum]

A very emotional piece from the lady that shares my birthday. I hope life is better now.

[Mike Handley]

God, it's tough not to take off my editor's cap. I actually liked the original opening better. But the rest of the changes are spot-on and make for a much more pleasing read. Regarding the opener, I'd simply say:

She said it hurt when she lost her virginity at age 15 to three-years-older John.

[Cita]

Voice is, of course, everything.  And the voice is clear and (as Gita said) necessarily flat.  T, in writing this memoir, you will needs shift from the personal and the emotional to the flat and removed as the case dictates.  I'm not that crazy about some of your sentence structure (sentence #1 is awkward) but all of that will be fixed when you can take this piece out of the 6s format and give it life on the page.  As Gita also said, YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS.  Keep doing it.  

[Paul de Denus]

That's a gutsy, personal bit of honest writing T

[Gita]

As we know by now, any time you write about your mother we are in for something rare (and often scary or sad). This is told in a reportorial style (sentence five especially) in a kind of flat  voice that works well because this kind of highly charged material doesn't need an emotional telling. You let the facts talk for themselves. You are SO GOOD at this. Do you even know how good you are?  I'll let others address the sexual details if they like. Just wanted you to know how well it reads.