Hallmark Card Submission #84 Rejection Letter (apologies to Ryan)

[Dorothy Hoffman]

Dear Mr. LaBo,

We regret to inform you that we must with great reluctance reject your lovely Hallmark card submission once again. Though this is a distinct improvement over your last effort (“Mommie Dearest, Sorry about the stabbing incident last Thanksgiving when I mistook you for the dinner turkey”) we still feel your most recent submission fails to conform to our high standards.

First, we feel it is longer than we would like as most of our customers have relatively short attention spans and tend to dose off mid-greeting if more than two short sentences (preferably phrases) are involved.

Second, perhaps your sentiments – touching as they are – are a tad too specific to fit the love objects of more than a few hundred of our customers.

See if you can’t work up something more akin to our most popular current cards:

“My dearest one, won’t you please marry me after my wife’s fatal accident scheduled for next week”

or

“My darling Valentine, you mean almost as much to me as the money I’m hiding from the IRS in my Cayman Islands account.”

Good luck on submission #85.

[bolton carley]

love the money in the caymans!  great humor in this one!

[Gita]

WAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!