Opposite Sex Friendships: Trip and Resist

[Teresa]

I love typical male minds, information packed and stacked practically, the same economical way they load the back of a car for a trip.

 

But I agree with Harry (When Harry Met Sally):  men and women can't be friends.

 

The exceptions are negligible and occur only when protected from romance the way we protect ourselves from radiation --  Time, Distance and Shielding, the point being, protection is almost always necessary (unless your sex organs have already pruned up), especially when both friendship candidates are attractive physically and intellectually.

 

Anyone who disagrees can ask what they hide from their desirable opposite-sex friends, how many times warm hands or lips have reached across the friendship line, or wanted to. 

 

Desire overrides, arises suddenly or subtly, blurs the lines as a carressing finger softens charcoal marks on the white page.

 

Blame built-in tension between opposites, the design purpose of friction, the Big Bang magical wand, then go ahead and run, but be prepared to trip, and resist the fall.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

@Teresa--Though I have passed the 50 mark, I must say that both before and after 50 I've had men friends who are just that.  Many are married; some are not.  And as far as "men don't lust after 50+ women" that is absolutely not true.  But these men are not friends.  You'll see...

[Teresa]

@Toby ~ Do you go out alone with the attractive male friends?  In the evenings, to dinner or movies?  Do you treat these friendships exactly as you do those with females?  Could you travel alone with them for pleasure like you would a girlfriend?  Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about one of these men?  Even fleeting?  If the most attractive of these men tried to kiss you, would you kiss him back?  Have any of these men ever flirted with you? 

 

Women can almost always be friends with men (though they can't read what's on a man's mind and vice versa).  But women over 50 are barely in the game (same goes for men over 65, 75 if they're aging really well and were once a hot celebrity).  Most men don't lust after 50+ women.  Plain biological fact.  Chances of being lusted by the opposite sex diminish with age, wrinkles and extra flab.  So yeah, unattractive women and/or those over 50 can usually be friends with men, but they are the exception, naturally protected by the shielding of poor aesthetics or age and settling hormones.  But be Pamela Lee Anderson and try having a simple coffee with a man.  You think he won't sneak a peek at Pammy's chest?  Thanks for playing.   

[bolton carley]

in the old days, i would have possibly agreed, although i always had more male friends than female and believe me they were not lovers.  but now being happily married, my guy friends are truly my guy friends - nothing more, nothing less.

but either way, i'll read whatever you write because you're fabulous and you have conviction about it and who doesn't love a girl that quotes when harry met sally? :)

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

I really can't agree with you on this one.  I have so many men friends that are attractive and intelligent but are just friends.  It really enriches your life to not have to restrict yourself to one half of the human race for true, non-sexual friendships.

[Gita]

In the years since Rob Reiner directed that movie and since Nora Ephron wrote that script, both have been interviewed and said they don't believe the words that came out of Harry's mouth. Both, especially Reiner, have many friends of the opposite gender. Especially Reiner, who is, Lord love him, a feminist thinker.

You know, I could post a list of names of men with whom I have long-standing, hilarious, warm friendships and while it is true that we are all journalists who worked at newspapers or radio stations together, we talk almost intimately about things that have nothing to do with the news. My dear friend Ron Taylor, who just died a few days ago, was one of them.  These men and I, we have gotten drunk together, talked about books, food, sports, our aging parents, the pussy, the cock, the best way to interview a rock star and death. Six of those men will be at the wake for Ron this coming Wednesday in Atlanta, in fact.  I will sit at a table in Manuel's Tavern and of course we will greet each other and part company with hugs.  They and I email each other several times a week. They nourish my life and I believe I am valued by them. So I feel very sad for anyone who has no true friendships with the opposite gender. Those are the friendships that last a long long time. 

[Angela]

I have a telephone friendship with a man that I value deeply but it stays a "just-friendship" for too many reasons to go into here - the greatest of which may be that he just knows how to successfully have an opposite gender friend better than I know how to - but I am learning.  

However, humor, intellect, empathy, creativity, strength - all these are arousing to me in anyone of any gender.  Guess I'm trying to say that what one gains from holding back makes opportunity for great loss, too.

[Stephen Torelli]

Yes, the slippery slope and it happens when you least expect it.  Insightful.

[Mike Handley]

I do disagree that it's an absolute.

One of my best and brightest gal pals is my bridge partner. I can't get through the week without playing with her several times, hours at a time. Not once, however, have I ever entertained the thought of sleeping with her. I can say the same for numerous others.

That said, your sentence about blurring lines with fingers is AWESOME and very seductive. No wonder you have guy friends sweating pheromones.

[Brad Rose]

Hmmmm.  I guess this is true.  In fact I'm pretty sure what you say here is true.  Sadly.  But I don't like that it's true. Not a bit.