Faith, Hope & Holes

[Teresa]

Poor Chester's toe was amputated because the bone kept swelling and he couldn't walk on it, then the vet said it might be cancer but that he "got it all", which is just one of those things we hope is enough, hope being lighter than faith but of equal value.

I donated  blood for a thirty-seven year old father of two because he has cancer, and it was good to see so many lined up for a man few of us knew, then I felt woozy as my pint of crimson O slowly drained from the tiny hole in my arm to a limp plasma-colored bag, as the phlebotomists spoke of the lazy flow with words I briefly took the wrong way, "I think she's going."

My autistic five year-old disappeared upstairs for the longest time, so I peeked in his room and found a "classroom" with Mr. Zebra as teacher, then I remembered being told that I am lucky he can "pretend play" because it shows he has "theory of mind", which means he may one day be able to ask the most unanswerable questions.

This morning Julian was in tears because he wounded his Kermit-the-Frog by putting his green toes inside a box fan; I snipped a loose string and all was well, but it was another hour before my son recovered from the phantom idea of what awful might have been.

My spouse might have taken a small step back from faith since he's reading a book about science proving the existence of God, or maybe he's just looking to prove God to me, but I don't doubt the existence of a greater power, I just don't trust religions that plug holes with silly putty; I'm more inclined to find comfort in science, in quantum physics, which is perhaps a more sterilized form of faith when God is included in the equation.

My dad  said he'd love for us to come for a visit, which causes me discomfort like any question I can't answer, a feeling like trying to catch a falling car while baking cookies, or filling a gap of fourteen years with mouth-to-mouth resuscitation; like understanding a hole where love should be.

[Mike Handley]

Well done, T. Love the snippet-with-photos approach. Fills my head with ideas. Now if only I could stop painting long enough to put words to page ...

[Robert Morschel]

Thanks for sharing this - it is sometimes nice to get an inside look at the writer behind the writings.

[Kristine_ES]

what i enjoyed the most here is reading about your son, and thinking about his unanswerable questions. 

aren't we all just sitting on the big rug of life, contemplating kermit's run-in, and being taught by mr. zebra? I believe it, and it's wonderful.

[Gita]

Your father's handwriting reminds me of the page of handwriting samples from all us writers at HoW last year. I wish I had not seen Chester's toe, but it balances perfectly with the near-tragedy of Kermit's foot. Much as I wish it, there is nothing about your husband's reading habits that can redeem him in my eyes. Okay, maybe if he was reading Annie Proulx' short story Brokeback Mountain....  As Floyd said, every one of these kills. 

[Judy Thompson]

Teresa I think you just added a new dimension to this form.  I love your insights, and the way you articulate them, there is such love in all of it.   Be well, girlfriend, be hopeful.  

[Bill Floyd]

Every last one of these kills.

[Geni Stratton]

Hope being lighter than faith but of equal value....brought tears to my eyes. You have a profound understanding of the spiritual. Hope... Chester is on the mend.

[Angela]

Oh!  Great new profile pic, too.

[Angela]

The pictures are lovely and add so much to your musings.  I thought the silly putty was inspired, much like the mouth-to-mouth reference.

Perhaps Chester will benefit from my good thoughts for him.  I have a Yorkie, too.