Dude Ranch Cowboy Has His Eye on Ms. Manhattan

[Brad Rose]

I dream dreams tiny as insects’ sleep, but at least I know I’m vacant as a mid-July elementary school. Your little black cell phone bleats at you—but it’s just an excuse to ignore me.  You can’t, and you know it.  I’m nail-gun sure I can walk the million barbed wire miles that lead to your heart. Just because I’m only an acre of sane, in a whole county of crazy, doesn’t mean my mojo ain’t working no more. Your heart may be folded tighter than origami and colder than a December ice cream, but it ain’t fireproof.

[Brad Rose]

Mike, I agree.  This is too tightly packed.  In the future, I'm going to try to distribute the strongest lines a little more sparingly.  Lately, I've been moving in the direction of prose poetry--a little less implied narrative line--and I think it may have gotten the better of me, here.  Also, I think I must unconsciously feel that I want to get the most (richest, densest, ??) lines down on paper that I am able to.  This is probably not a good reflex.  I guess that's why there are editors.  Regrettably I am not my own best editor.

[Mike Handley]

There are some real gems here, Brad. So many in so few sentences lessens their impact considerably, but they're memorable.