Dramatize Me

[Michael Brown]

Sometimes I like sitting at the McDonald's outside the mall, daydreaming away an hour or so. With a container of their terrible coffee in front of me, and my notebook; waiting for some lost soul to come in, whose story I can tell. Can't say much about the young people working behind the counter; with their clear skin, bright smiles, and quick to serve willingness in matching uniforms, as they don't seem to have any drama in their lives. Neither does the mother with two tykes who have already taken the heads off their McToys, nor the older gentleman tut-tutting over the local newspaper while ever so slowly consuming a salad topped with chicken strips, nor even the teenagers making out in a corner booth, while a single ice cream melts into glop in front of them. Some days everything appears copacetic with everybody, and it's not as if I have a writer's block, I mean, my pen is ready and willing to embellish any poor soul's miserable existence into a substantial fiction; it just seems at times nobody around me is suffering sufficiently. Then, I see my watch reads 8:06, and I wonder if it is safe to go home yet.

[Jenny]

Nice selection as personal fave, MB. I found myself arguing with the narrator - no - no - they all have lives of meaning, purpose and challenge too! The grass is always greener isn't it? What appears a simple story is found to hold great depth. "suffering sufficiently" wow.

[Sandra Davies]

Being short of both time and words at the moment please take both Julia's comment and Toby's as perfectly expressing my opinion too - thanks Michael.

[jkdavies]

Ditto to Bill. thank you for pointing me in this direction, and yes, I like this piece and the persona it presents of an talented observer with hidden depths, a good piece that well represents you.

[Dude A Bydes]

Brownie: There are universes within the atoms of that styrofoam Big Mac box. There is drama and suspense in the mind of the cab driver drinking coffee in the corner booth. There great humor in the internal dialogue of those drivers waiting in line at the drive-through speaker... "Would you like to try our new Double Angus Happy Meal?" Consider the possibilities? I think you already have. -Dude

[Edward Dean]

Hey M.B. just a thought; why not take this 'vein train' over to Sceptics newsapaper and do a reporters view, (op. ed.) with your serious reflective tone.
It would give you latitiude for expression.
I for one, would be interested to see what you can do with it.

[Edward Dean]

From all the commentary M.B. you found a vein.......Mine it!

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

This is really powerful. The reader is lulled into thinking that the story is about external things when it is about the internal thing all along. After the knock-out last line, the reader can go back and re-read and the paragraph is never the same again. Excellent. Always a pleasure to read.

[Ian Rochford]

Loved the ending - the magic is in the act of transference, when all that stuff we carry around gets dumped on some poor, unsuspecting soul who wonders why we're watching them so closely.

[Paul Macauley]

Your last sentence seems to turn the piece on its head and suggest that it isn't the suffering of others that compels the writer to write, but the writer's own suffering. So kinda ironic, and arugably true!

[alisa rynay haller]

good insight, especially after the tragic events in the US today. A bit too much suffering today