Better Now

[Angela]

I don’t think in poems anymore, or feel the right adjective.  I don’t cry and refuse to eat or bathe.  I don’t see the heartbreaking beauty that I know is buried in small things.  I don’t know how to slow down time like I used to.  People converse with me, and I know what they are saying.  My meds have made me normal, and I think I hate it.

[Carin Cryderman]

Chills!  I have found adderall much less numbing than many of the others...

[Angela]

You folks are great.  This has been a twenty year struggle and so little of it has been spent in a stable state that being free of symptoms is quite strange.  I probably won't have to get used to it. :)

[Judy Thompson]

And it also depends on the writer, the meds, and the reasons. And if you do come off the meds, take a slow time to do it; a lot of these have rebounds of a sort, and sometimes the rebound effect is worse than the pills OR what you're taking them for.
Teresa makes some good points, worth heeding.

[Teresa]

If the meds aren't new or different, it's just a temporary cold wind blowing through.  I got numbed out on Prozac in 1992 for the six months I took it.  Serotonin reuptake inhibitors can do that.  A doctor friend said it would help with the shaky dip after my brother's murder.  I remember typing at work, noticing my thoughts were like warm milk, even the ones about my son's fever spiking at home and his needing to be put into a cool bath.  The calm was both alarming and a relief, and the situation was handled well without my having to feel the panic and anxiety.  And yet, had I been trying to be creative, I wouldn't have been so happy with the "flat-line" emotions.  The hope is that the reserve of words still has that "OPEN" sign on the window, that memories of undesirable feelings and thoughts can easily attach to the right words without the necessity of emotional "flooding".  More writers than not take meds.  Creative types walk a fine line.  It's a beauty that comes with a price.  But that same creativity is inventive enough to work its way around, beneath or even through that med wall.  Give it time.   

[Stephen Torelli]

Normal... mainstream... conventional... garden variety--and maybe you should hate it. Introspective and well written.

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

Wonderful description of a state of mind.  But, the more you write, the more you will get back to thinking in poems and feel the right adjective.  As long as you forget the adverbs, you'll be fine.

[Edward Dean]

By the way, thanks for the great introspection.

[Edward Dean]

I've often wondered how much of the art world and science for that matter would have been negated if  we would have had neurological drugs a hundred years ago.

And to wonder what part of the human genome makes unconventional mandatory? Their bane is our boon.

Where would our humanity be without them?...................May be worth writing a 6 or so.

[Gloria Watts]

Bipolar, but life can still hold some pleasures, and  if not, the meds can ease the grief. Gloria

[Kay Sera]

I'm glad you're back, Angela. And I hope the meds help. And I hope the feeling of life comes back, and that you can see not only "heartbreaking beauty" but also overwhelming joy.