Awakened

[Brian Holland]

SNAP!

I'm jerked awake by the sound, my heart beating a million miles an hour. A thousand thoughts race through my mind at about the same speed as the adrenaline coarsing through my veins, causing my hands to shake... is someone breaking in... is someone stealing my car... but I dismiss these thoughts quickly because nothing I own is worth shit. Who the hell breaks in these days to steal a VCR, or an old TV that weighs more than I do, or a car that's worth more when the gas tank is full than when it's running on fumes... still, I grab "Skull Cracker", the 34 inch slugger I keep under the bed and creep towards the kitchen. With one hand on Skull Cracker I use the other to flick the kitchen light switch and smile to see that I have nothing to worry about... I had been awakened by one of the traps catching that furry little bastard who would so brazenly watch me from the center of a room, and who left countless tiny, black, tear-shaped droppings on my counter.

I look around at my shitty surroundings... the mouse traps, the crappy things I own, the things I DON'T own, the things that don't work in this hell hole - because the landlord doesn't give a fuck, he's just waiting for the next sap... every bit of it is caused by my lifestyle (if you can fucking call it that)... DAMNIT it's time for a change... and I'm more than a little ashamed that it took a mouse trap snapping at 2:30 in the morning to make me realize that!

[Deborah Jovan Reed]

My favorite mouse catcher: the cat. Catch those lil' mofos fast and leave them at the door as a present. Not that I like the present but do like the cat was earning his keep.

[Angela]

More than one kind of awakening, eh?  Glad you are writing about it.  A mouse ate part of my sweet potato last week, so you may always have that problem from time to time, no matter where you end up.  Did you bait with peanut butter or chocolate?  Or cheese?

[Brian Holland]

Joey, I think the last sentence is so important in this medium, whether it be funny or meaningful, because you're dealing with such a short story that you have to deliver a punch. That's the way I look at it anyway.

[Brian Holland]

Deborah, I misunderstood what you were saying, I thought you were saying you liked the Pinky and Brain sentence... what is currently posted IS the better version... you can see what I originally posted before leaving for work (the bit about Pinky and the Brain) in my first comment.

[Joey Delgado]

I love your final sentences. They always bring a smile to my face. I'm reading your sixes thinking, he's gonna pull the rug out from under me, but I just don't know how. Also, love that your cal your baseball bat the "skull cracker."

[Deborah Jovan Reed]

but that's what i thought your last sentence was saying, that the mouse trap made you realize you needed a change.

[Brian Holland]

I liked it but felt it would be stronger if the mouse trap woke him up literally AND mentally. He was awakened by the mouse trap and jumped out of bed, he was also awakened by the mouse trap and realized his life was not that great. (Pinky and the Brain STILL makes me laugh my ass off by the way lol)

[Deborah Jovan Reed]

I kinda like the one you did publish.

[Brian Holland]

I posted this right before I left for work and on my drive in I realized I missed an opportunity to make it a much better piece of fiction... here's the original sixth line if anyone cares to see it: I can't get back to sleep now, so I turn on the TV and to see that I'm half way through an episode of Pinky and the Brain, a cartoon about two labratory mice who try to take over the world in every episode... I laughed my ass off at this show when I was a kid... I laugh now because I finally got the bastard!