Are Americans Ready for a Martian President?

[Brad Rose]

Devil’s Tower, Wyoming:  Thousands of naysayers gathered at the foot of Devils Tower, today, shouting “Hell No, We Hate Red Snow!”  Meanwhile, at campaign headquarters in Washington, little green men (although well-dressed in blue button down shirts, with red white and blue striped ties) from the Red Planet were heard to say, “I don’t care which religion this nation is, they are all going to pay. Once we’re in office, we’re going to completely repaint this sniveling little blue planet.”

 

Mars’ unemployment figures are at historic levels (approaching 101%) ever since Bain Capital sent an exploratory vehicle to the fourth planet and discovered that it’s  far more profitable—despite the high costs of interplanetary shipping---to outsource Martian jobs to China and India.

 

Back on earth, the opposition is demanding that all presidential candidates submit xeroxed copies of their birth certificates or, if unavailable, proof of the date of their manufacture.

 

The coming election promises to be a life and death struggle between red and blue states.

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

We have already had a Martian president--the one before this one.

[Brittany]

i can't help but feel irritated when i call the US for help or account assistance and the person i am talking to long distance is closer to me in Dubai than the place i thought i was calling :-/ great take on the situation!

[Gita]

BAIN!  HA! 

I am actually searching for a good anti-Bain slogan to put on a bumper sticker.

Loved unemployment figures are at historic levels (approaching 101%). One thing they can't outsource, though, is flash fiction writing. Good one.

[Kristine_ES]

sad but true. 

couldn't we all just be purple states and get along? work together? and i'm not being a wiseguy here, being sincere. 

[Teresa]

"little green men (although well-dressed in blue button down shirts, with red white and blue striped ties)" -- Makes me want one as a pet.

[Bob Clay]

I have it on good faith that the Martians have been watching the forthcoming arrival (Aug 6th) of the Curiosity Rover with the comment 'Oh shit, not another one !'