And Now What I Really Look Like, Too

[Steve Wayne]

If I walk into the dugout at the men's softball game, the guys would high five me and call me "Dude" and say things like, "You da man," and then make me stay after the game and pick up all the bases and bats.

To a young woman snapping bubble gum and painting her fingernails, I'd be the one she asks for the time, and when I tell her, she'd look all hurried and late for something and she'd say, "Hon, be a kitten and grab a cab for me, will ya."

When I'm on the city bus and a group of hoodlums with leather coats and cans of spray paint hop on and start harassing everyone in sight, I'm the one under the seat.

I'm the green one when (a) someone yanks a big wad of cash out of the glove box of their Maserati while looking for change at the toll booth, or (b) when some college-aged waiter serves me bongwater at Steak N Shake.

Perhaps I'm more of an absence in my presence, and that's why I'm a billygoat laying in fresh poop and pee on a carnival train en route to the county fair petting zoo. Watch for my new movie: Like Urine for Billygoats.

[Mike Handley]

Nothing gruff about this. Love your sense of humor. Self-deprecation is an art to be savored.

[Steve Wayne]

Oy vey, everyone.  It makes me feel all warm inside, like my mother's matzo ball soup.

 

If you were all here in Manhattan, Soon-Yi and I would take you out to the Deli Kasbah on 85th, (where they serve only Glatt kosher meats) for pastrami on rye.

 

We'll be shooting my new picture, called "The New Picture", all around the city this summer.  That's me with the bullhorn and the anxious look  in the Director's Chair that says, "Woody", on the back.  We couldn't get James Franco (he was busy writing) for this movie, but if you stop by I'll introduce you ex-bodybuilder Franco Columbo, who is portraying Peter Falk from TV's Columbo fame in this one.    

 

(6S)

[Angela]

Well, what Rob said.  It is Woodyesque, and I didn't notice until he pointed it out.

[bolton carley]

this is great - great play off of grey's.  and i think we all feel a little walked-on at some point.  think we would probably be hanging out in the same boat, but i'm not a big fan of goats. :)

[Diana E. Backhouse]

Brilliant!

[Robert McEvily]

This is outstanding.  Woody Allen would be jealous of the writing.  Awesome.

[Kristine_ES]

i liked the tone of your six, humorous but-- don't despair.   DON'T let the ungoats get you down. 

(would you hate me if i said it was spelled maserati?) 

[Angela]

You made me laugh out loud, and I read this to those who were present to hear it.  They laughed, too.  I think my favorite might be,  "Hon, be a kitten and grab a cab for me, will ya."  Now, get up out of that goaty spot you are in and nibble something.