What can YOU say in six sentences?
Melt
At three thirty in the morning, it was eighty-five degrees.
Lela was naked, sleepless, seated in the darkness on her porch swing, sipping lemonade and fanning herself, sick of this heatwave that had lasted four days now and no end in sight.
Her body was curvy, voluptuous, the desire of many men, the envy of many women, a fact that delighted her and made her many adversaries at the same time.
The gunshot came from her left at three thirty-two, boring through her skin, skull, brain, knocking the fan out of her hand, leaving the lemonade to sit on the small table next to the swing.
A neighborhood dog barked.
The ice cubes in Lela's lemonade began to melt.
Comment
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Comment by Robert Crisman on July 4, 2010 at 11:15pm -
Well, c'mon, Christopher, what's coming next?
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Comment by Angela on July 4, 2010 at 10:34pm -
I love the last two sentences. Someone dies, everything continues. Super six.
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Comment by Bill Lapham on July 4, 2010 at 2:56pm
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I'm leaving open the possibility of a stray bullet from an argument down the street. That is a very tough shot to make in the dark at any distance greater than point blank without night vision. Now the shooter might have had night vision equipment, but then that would ultimately lead to his capture, I would think, as usually only a police force or a military outfit would have that stuff. Joe the Neighborhood Deer Hunter, in other words, misses. This is a great 6, man. Made us think about all that.
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Comment by Michael Brown on July 4, 2010 at 2:36pm -
Complete zinger! You've caught THE moment in Lela's story. The heat and her dichotomous pulchritude explain everything. The last two sentences provide a Greek chorus, and we walk away stunned. Nice work. really nice work.
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Comment by Jen Schneider on July 3, 2010 at 11:40pm -
The last two sentences are so simple, yet they bring the whole piece together. Nice!
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Comment by Bob Clay on July 3, 2010 at 7:08pm -
Jeez Chris, you don't believe in taking prisoners do you ? This was like 10,000 volts up close .. !
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Comment by Teresa on July 3, 2010 at 6:39pm
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Wow! It rang like gunfire, just POW -- sudden. Great flash!
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Comment by Joe Gensle on July 3, 2010 at 6:27pm -
tale of the unadoring fan, yeow. well said!
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Comment by Jenny on July 3, 2010 at 5:10pm -
Yeah! What Bonnie said.
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Comment by Bonnie on July 3, 2010 at 5:03pm -
And of course, we want and need to know more.. Excellent 6!
© 2012 Created by Robert McEvily.
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