My Anonymous Career

[Gita]

In the third year of our marriage, which coincidentally was my third year of trying to finish a novel, Rainy said to me, "Get out there and be a breadwinner, you big galoot."

 I signed on with a large national restaurant chain to write descriptors for menus, and  I was the very first to use the term "farm-fresh" to refer to eggs and "kettle-simmered" to describe soup.

Menu writers toil in anonymity, but my reward came when the National Restaurant Industry awarded me the Golden Napkin Holder for coining the adjective "artisanal" to describe, well, pretty much anything overpriced, from bread to beer to pizza.

Although you'll never see my name on a menu, I can guarantee you've eaten in one of this chain's many outlets and I will bet my descriptors added to your interest in sizzling, creamy, buttery, garden-fresh, succulent, melting, old-timey, home-made goodness and artisanal flavor-bursting dishes.

One day, to supplement my income, I answered an ad in the paper calling for writers to contribute heartwarming sentiments and pithy sayings to a collection that would be called "Chicken Soup for the Soul,"  and we would be paid by the word but get no author's credit.
The book was a huge hit and spawned all kinds of sequels, such as  "Chicken Soup for the Golfer's Soul," to which I (rather proudlybut anonymously) contributed, "In life, you've got to bogey before you can birdie."

[Toby Tucker Hecht]

Can anyone actually pronounce the word artisanal?  Or is it not ever supposed to be pronounced--appearing only on menus and in ads?

[stephen burgers]

Your good,thanks for the smile.

[Gita]

No, Mike, Rainy is the wife. I changed gender for this piece. Please try to keep up, dear.

[Mike Handley]

This is the kind of artisanal writing I eagerly digest. It's even smoother than the wax job on my fifth-grade teacher's (Mrs. Lilly) upper lip. I might add, however, that it is not in my genetic makeup to ever call a woman a galoot, at least not without ducking.

[Edward Dean]

"Madmen" (and women) gone wild!

"You've come a long way girl" in "America with apple pie and Chevrolet" so don't let the "heartbreak of psoriasis" knock your dick in the dirt.

This message has been brought to you courtesy of the National Ad Council and "Mr. Clean":)

[Gita]

@Sandra: Mine too! There are some lovely bistros in Atlanta where every noun (trout) is preceded by 11 adjectives (fresh-caught, natural, succulent, pan-fried, etc). You know that some writer somewhere came up with the copy.

[Bill Floyd]

Hole in one.

[Sandra Davies]

This, being one of my bêtes noir, made me laugh.   When you've finished with food perhaps you could move onto one of those catalogues advertising, in spuriously glowing terms, all the things you'll NEVER need and wonder why they even bothered to invent them.