Lost Love

[Pixie J. King]

It's a warm summer's day. Strips of white tickle the azure blue in the sky, the sun gently warming my skin.

Lapping of water on the crystal sands fill my heart as I listen. I wipe the tears from my eyes.

Cancer claimed her last year; I sit on the beach alone.

I miss her presence terribly, too much, but her love will always be with me, reaching me.

[Lily Childs]

I like the contradictions of the warmth of the summer's day and the cold sadness in her heart; the "lapping of water on the crystal sands" as she cries.

[A J Humpage]

I like your use of continued present tense. Experiment with tenses. Besides, many famous authors do it, some better than others. Shan't mention the worse one for mixing tenses, but if editors and authors alike can't spot them, then I wouldn't chuff too much!

[Ellie Garratt]

I like the way the tone of this changes half way through, and you can feel the character's pain and loneliness by the end. Good stuff, Pixie.

[Pixie J. King]

Thank you Bernard. This is my first ever attempt at writing something with only six sentences in, and tenses often confuse me.

[Bernard S. Jansen]

I like this, but the second sentence jumps to past tense, which is very distracting to the reader. It breaks the spell. That is, sentence should be: "Strips of white tickle the azure blue sky; the sun gently warms my skin." Okay, so I took out some words and changed the comma to semi-colon too. I'm terrible; but you get what I mean: tickles, not tickled.