Francois had always believed that he was a prince transformed into a frog, and that a kiss from a beautiful princess would change him back.  However, when the Princess Angelica kissed him fully, warmly and intensely on his froggy lips, and nothing happened (except that the Princess spit repeatedly and rubbed her lips nearly rare with a cloth afterwards), he was very confused and downhearted.  Francois had no idea what to do; he certainly wasn’t going to go live in the swamp with his frog…

“Move it, Fatty.”

It was said by Eric, high school jock, the coolest, most handsome guy at Midvale High School; Tina had never thought of herself as the least bit fat until that horrible moment in the Food Court at the Mall.  As her eyes filled with tears, she looked herself critically over and discovered she could indeed “pinch-an-inch” (actually barely a ¼ inch) at her waist and realized that she was indeed a big fat hippo on two legs.  As the truth painfully sunk in, Tina’s body…

My first day in Hell didn’t go like I expected it would.  No raging flames, no tormented wails from the damned, no fat, naked demons poking me with their trusty pitchforks and infernal glee.  Instead of Dante’s Inferno, I found myself in an infinitely large and crowded waiting room, all bureaucratic sickly green walls and badly scuffed tiles, holding a service number in whatever comes after a trillion on a slip of paper and the fuzzy intercom was just now calling “Number 17 next, Number 17…

Sept 3 – They say the early bird catches the worm, so I’m sleeping in till noon.

Sept 8 – Rained today, so had to poke my head out of the earth, carefully, of course; no birds, but plenty of water so all my hard-dug tunnels have been washed away and it’s bone-chilling (if I had any) cold down here.

Sept 15 – Ran into a colony of ants today, too busy working to stop and chat, focused on storing up lots of food for the winter, so it must gonna be a hard one, which not good news…