Once upon a time, which is how these stories always start, a duck discovered that instead of quacking, he could only coo. Now this was embarrassing to say the least, but even worse, the funny sound branded him an outcast so the rest of the ducks forced him out of the pond, sending him flying away from his home. Well, eventually he landed on the roof of a tenement in a nearby…

I fell back 50 years to 1958 (time travel is harder to control than teaching a retarded spider Arabic). Since I was probably stuck here for a while, I rented a room in a giant mushroom apartment building from a Non-Christian Scientist landlord wearing a…