Dude A Bydes's Blog (125)

Don't Look Down

"Absolutely not, young lady!... my daughter absolutely WILL NOT spend the night at some sleepover party with boys in attendance... I DON'T care what Emily's mother says, or what Tia's mother says... or what anyone else's mother says.... and I DO NOT care that all your friends think that I am old-fashioned and grumpy... I DO care about what goes on at those sleepovers--and it has nothing to do with SLEEPING!"

"Daddy, remember what you told me about Toadstool Rock when you were a…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on March 15, 2013 at 10:08am — 6 Comments

Near Gerasene

My restlessness abounds--I know that fatigue can be suppressed by one's will-- still I must wander this web at nights...searching for spirits which are not there, or more horrifying... that are. My thoughts dwell in those morbid realms where those who I cherish have preceded me to that valued crypt, and await our eternal reunion. My physical appearance no longer reflects my fastidious nature and my once-proud persona. My transfigurement into that slovenly, unshaven,…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on March 13, 2013 at 9:00am — 11 Comments

Newton's First Law--Things in the shit stay in the shit

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Company D [Ranger] 151st Infantry [AIRBORNE] was the only U.S. National Guard Infantry unit to see combat action in Vietnam [1968-69].

  

“Get those fucking dogs outta’ here, Morgan, or I swear to God I'm gonna' pull this trigger!”

“Take it easy,…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on March 12, 2013 at 5:03pm — 9 Comments

What every Jack Russell knows (rated PG-SC for some risque' doggy-style innuendo)

You wags the tail when master appears.

You begs for it when you wants it.

You sniffs it before you licks it.

You roll over to gets the belly scratched.

You chases the pussy but never catches it.

You barks and barks and barks and barks but forgets…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on March 5, 2013 at 6:37pm — 9 Comments

The Rambler - Twin Six-bangers

"A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds." (an old English nursery rhyme)

Leisure-suit Leon had all the lines, but never made the show with the ladies--never even saw the opening act. But to Leon, it was the thrill of the hunt more than the trophies on his bedroom wall. His friends tried to point out his casual effrontery as a reason for his repeated failures, but LSL passed their concerns off as mere "competitive bias." He chose to believe…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on March 5, 2013 at 1:30am — 9 Comments

Bigger than Life (for Nerissa)

            We’re told from an early age to invest our time and energy into our friends and our families. So we spend “quality time” together with these loved ones in minutes and hours of work, whimsy, and worship, building that bond… that investment together. Then one morning we wake up and our partner, in whom we had placed so much of our heart’s capital, is gone.

 

            Like the spent-out brokers of our life’s time that we’ve become, we stow away our…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on March 2, 2013 at 10:30am — 7 Comments

The Witness Tree--Gettysburg

These power poles pulse with energies now known on other lanes.

Curling clouds of carbon fumes stick on storefronts, potash panes.

Tears... and triumphs, words of rancor... rants and rhymes

Linger long like those latent plumes of fallen heroes/forgotten…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on February 21, 2013 at 5:03pm — 8 Comments

Lost in the Moment

That scintillating scent of cinnamon at the base of Heather's neck launched my rock hard penis straight into auto-pilot.

"Manny, we need to stop--someone might see us here in the park..."

"Babieee, you know you drive me crazy," (the clasp to Heather Richardson's frontloader bra was a simple disconnect for my talented, trembling fingers.)

"Ummm, ahhh! Manny you are sooo bad."

"...and that's good, baby--sooo good." (By now, my quivering…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on February 11, 2013 at 2:30pm — 2 Comments

Aesop's Fly

It was third period before Tricia Howard had the nerve to subtlely slip me her crude little note reading: "Mr. Morgan, your fly is open!!!" [her emphasis] Two entire World Lit classes had come and gone through my tutelage in room 247 and not one timid soul had uttered an expose' ; nor a single student had stepped forward to indicate my embarrassing wardrobe oversight. One hundred and fifty-seven minutes had passed, eighty-seven post-pubescent English/Language Arts pupils had viewed…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on February 3, 2013 at 12:56am — 9 Comments

Out on the Running Board

Why'd I let her get to me like that? Chrissake! after 20 years of living with a person, you'd think a goddamned guy could figure out how to deal with that woman's self-absorption--or at least abide... 'Whoa! Morgan, 'better slow this mother down... 'Can't be hauling through your fuckin' hood, slamming on brakes and taking corners on two wheels... somebody's gonna' get hurt. Why am I yelling? ...Why am I yelling?!…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on February 2, 2013 at 2:15pm — 5 Comments

Lost at Christmas

      The old couple Christmas shopped on Christmas Eve as they had done in each of their forty-two years of marriage. This Christmas eve was an especially cold and snowy evening, but the streets were packed with revelers.

       As Mary walked along the avenue lost in her yule-time reverie, she suddenly…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on November 29, 2012 at 7:08pm — 11 Comments

Cactus Flower

"Mr. Morgan... what do you do?"

"Well, Iris, you know that I am the principal at MacArthur Middle School..."

"That's WHO you are, Mr. Morgan, I asked WHAT you do? ...you know like Ms. Baxter teaches science, Mr. Walters teaches math, and Mr. Taylor runs the school..."

"Whoa! my bad, Iris... you see that... I actually run this school but I have many responsibilties like teacher evaluation, curriculum planning, budgeting for supplies...…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on November 16, 2012 at 12:57pm — 4 Comments

A Middle Linebacker's Lament

  Trapped in his own philosophy, he blitzes head-on toward life.

What can't be shattered by his blunt assaults is rendered a product of his own bad luck.

What yields to his relentless assaults confirms this steadfast commitment to a solipsistic game plan.

He doesn't see the playing…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on November 16, 2012 at 12:00pm — 7 Comments

Six sentences I've heard that I hope you never hear...

Your contract will not be renewed.

Your business partner has declared Chapter 7.

We had to break in the door to get to the body.

Your mother went peacefully in the night.

Can you come to the hospital to identify your father's body?

Come quickly... your son is dying.

 

Added by Dude A Bydes on November 11, 2012 at 8:37pm — 2 Comments

Rob McEvily's Birthday Sixer

What a dude...what an ingenious, altruistic, and magnanimous, dude.

Inspiration for creation and relation among our vast and unknown brood.

Progenitor to our fledgling scribes--sharing wings to reach our peak.

Heraldic voice for us without lips, or for those whose lips won't speak.

What marvelous work for one human heart... equivalent to every mood. 

What a soul to sketch in six sentences... what a guy, what a mind, what a dude!

Added by Dude A Bydes on November 11, 2012 at 3:30pm — 3 Comments

Deliver Us From Evil

"Come on, Pat... all you gotta' do is ring the doorbell and leave the package while I wait here in the car, come on man..!"

"Shit, mutha' f'... I ain't sell no mutha' f'...ing cookies to that mutha' f... you see the size of that dog in the window! Sheeeit! mutha'…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on October 3, 2012 at 6:13pm — 4 Comments

The cousin of love

 “If you set your mind on loss, you are more likely to lose…but a grateful perspective brings happiness and abundance into a person’s life.” – from The Noticer, .Andy Andrews

According to Greek legend, the son of Poverty and Plenty was...Love.

Between…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on October 2, 2012 at 10:30am — 3 Comments

Imprint

"Geez, Morgan! How can you stand that Honky-Tonk stuff?"

"Easy, Mr. Waite--Wasted Days was the song that was on the radio that afternoon I left the courthouse with Eileen."

"Shit! Morgan, that was thirty years and three wives ago... I thought…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on September 27, 2012 at 5:30pm — 3 Comments

...and Mad Hatters

... Now I know that Spanish Harlem aren't just pretty words to say, but somehow I knew that my Lisa would always make things right. I remember how she'd laugh when I'd tell her to promise me she wouldn't leave me until exactly one day after I was buried...didn't happen that way... never does. Subway's no way for a good man to go down... s…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on September 1, 2012 at 10:36am — No Comments

It's the end of the world (as we know it...)

The final battle in the war on ignorance had been waged... and I had lost.

"Mr. Meade, you want to tell me just what IS the meaning of this little inscription on your desktop?"

"I dunno, Mr. Morgan--I guess, I... uh, got bored."

"Boredom has nothing to do with it, Billy. This is…

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Added by Dude A Bydes on August 16, 2012 at 3:30pm — 3 Comments

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