What can YOU say in six sentences?
On our first date he said, "I have no money, no resources, no hopes. I am the happiest man alive." Then he pulled out his dick and pissed in the alley.
I asked him what was wrong with bathrooms - we were on our way to meet friends for dinner at 47 Boulevard Suchet, just a few blocks away and he answered, "Our own physical body possesses a wisdom which we who inhabit the body lack. We give it orders which make no sense."
"So to tell your penis to aim in a toilet…Continue
My 70 year-old dad is building a dinosaur, an 8' x 15' stegosaurus. He says that setting up a fiberglass resin on damp clay is tricky.
The first dinosaur attempt, a plaster mold, weighed 800 pounds and collapsed before it was finished. He's started another one, this time out of fiberglass that weighs only thirty pounds. If you asked him why he's building the dinosaur he'd say, "Awww, I don't know; I ain't got nothin' better to do."…Continue
I saw a biography of Kristi McNichol last week which reminded me of a memorable episode of Family during which I heard "homosexual" for the first time. I asked my stepmother what the word meant and she abruptly changed the channel to protect my eleven year-old innocence.
The next day I asked Shelly about the word, "Well, it's like when instead of a girl liking a guy, a girl likes a girl or a guy likes a guy." Then she pointed to our sixth grade…Continue
At the time I strongly believed in soul mates, had just read Richard Bach's The Bridge Across Forever and underscored half the passages with yellow highlighter: Deep within us, every one of us knows the laws, and one of the laws is...we shall forever return to the arms of those we love, whether our parting be overnight or over-death.
That July afternoon in 1991 I sat at a red light on Nasa Rd.One and thought about a dream I'd had a year before ending…Continue
Harry was a tall thick man with fat like concrete, rocks of lipid tissue requiring brute strength to massage.
We talked during the hour-long massage sessions, occasionally about my current relationship with a man named Roland, a man whose demeanor and intelligence... "reminds me of an ex-boyfriend whose wife shot a police officer then turned the gun on herself; it was a huge scandal and NASA wanted no part of that so they let Randy go - that was about a year before we started…Continue
Due to the sexual abuse scandals in the Catholic Church, I was required to attend Virtus Training before volunteering at my children's Catholic school.
The class was held on Tuesday night, 6:30pm - 9:30pm. It involved two films, a workbook, discussions, two ten-minute breaks, some cookies and lemonade.
I had to provide my social security number for a criminal background check. I got a little nervous at the question about prior arrests and pulled the instructor…Continue
I'm suffering from "existential dread", a term coined by philosophers to describe a suffering due to feeling a lack of purpose in life. It's part of a recurring pattern, a background blah in the PMS spectrum of emotions; I can count on it for at least one to two weeks out of the month.
Occasionally this angst has extended beyond two weeks, has deepened to a state of mild to moderate depression during which I briefly consider antidepressants when suddenly - Poof…Continue
The gray house where my two older children were born was sold a few times over the years, and in 2001 it was for sale again. I drove by it on occasion to remember good times and when I noticed the sale sign I also noticed the house had been painted purple, a bright lilac purple. My first thought was, I'd love to know that bold creative spirit.
I called my ex-husband later that day and told him the house was for sale, that we ought to walk through again and feign an…Continue
"So if there was no God or religion, would you choose marriage or monogamy?"
"What about love and finding someone you want to share your life with...admiring and respecting them...wanting to grow old with them...avoiding STDs?"
"I'd probably spend a couple of years at the most with each woman but, hey, ask any man and he'll tell you the same thing, that without rules we'd follow our urges - just like any other urge we…Continue
In an upstairs mini-kitchen my petite reliable coffee maker gurgles and spits as it brews four cups of perfect mocha-flavored caffeine every morning, the same $15 Mr. Coffee maker I've used for almost five years.
Downstairs in the main kitchen my husband has a fancy $200 coffee maker with many bells, whistles and buttons which makes twice the amount of coffee mine does but the coffee tastes the same; he also has a separate machine to grind his Hawaiian…Continue
If I sat here long enough I'd discover the meaning of life, here in my aqua booth surrounded by hideous aqua art and fake plants pretending to grow atop a dividing wall in a room that reeks of pancake syrup.
Kevin scurries around efficiently pouring coffee and taking breakfast orders, a tiny man with soulful eyes, kind and friendly, and we keep our conversation about Mother's Day short this morning for reasons neither of us have to voice out loud. In our silence and avoidance…Continue
I occasionally save messages far too long. For a couple of years now the voice of a man I haven't seen in twelve years says at the head of saved voicemails, "Hey, it's your dad...", a message I skip over because it hurts to listen, so I move on to my older son, "You sound so happy in your greeting (laughter) - Hey, just leave a message and I'll call you back! - like you're on something (laughter)."
I have too many emails saved, pieces of people I…Continue
I've always had a thing for writer bums, the sort who drink in a crusty bar all day and seem to know the meaning of life but can't manage their own (think Henry Miller). He's the sort of guy who can't hold down a regular job, who's done it all, from taming lions to dressing as a Macy's Christmas elf. He works six to eight months then gets himself fired because he just doesn't belong there between walls and concrete. These guys seem to be onto something, to have a finger on the pulse of…Continue
I tiptoe behind her -- I'm 9 -- toward an immense room with gunmetal walls, no light, just endless grays and floor to ceiling portraits of ghosts.
She feeds me frozen nails and I eat them while she cradles me in bones and paints my tongue the ash color of her words; I can't separate the mother from the monster, the two from myself. There's no choice in that room for days, weeks, sometimes years without light. I swallow down nails, coins, a pound of gray flesh…Continue
It's Wednesday, Kevin's Friday at Denny's, something he reminds me of while my coffee is poured then he asks, "The usual?"
He tells me he's close to finishing his accounting studies and will soon be able to quit waiting tables, "Only another year," he says with eyes rolled up toward cracked ceiling tiles. I feel the urge to ask him to sit with me and talk about how he spent the first decade after high school but answer instead, "Good - that's great!"…Continue
Tom was ready to find a wife, settle down, but women never stuck around once they got to know him despite his toned body and good looks. He'd grown bored of assembly-line women and the fact that they all came from The Hop, an oldies bar in Webster, TX, a sad rut where singles looked for love.
Cassandra and Melanie were regulars at the bar and went home with different men each night; they were both twenty-nine but a mix of too much liquor, Marlboro Lights, and not enough sleep…Continue
Leslie had that fist in her gut again because Todd said little after "Hello" except what he had to, the effortless obligatory blocks of talk that cost him no pride but even they were carefully dispensed.
She was tired of waiting for him to forgive her for being herself; she and Brad were just friends, she'd tried to explain, but Todd's innate insecurities and 1,000 miles between them inflated his suspicions.
"I haven't heard from you in…Continue
Light and Dark run together, pull me through patterns of day and night.
Light says, "The sun reflects on the elm's leaves like gold - see that?"
Dark says, "The tree will die."
Light says, "Love is your essence - eternal, immortal, real."
Dark says, "So is hate."
In the dappled light beneath the elm I dance anyway.
My hairdresser said Friday while creating a science fiction helmet of layered foil squares, "Oh my god - you know, the world is gonna end in 2012 so we should just party!"
We laughed about various scenarios and agreed that David Sedaris better write another book before this all-world-stop (according to a doomsday theory based on the Mesoamerican or Mayan Long Count Calendar). Though my hairdresser laughed it was a bit too hard and he kept…Continue
As part of my morning routine I took my dog out today and noted the 70 degree breezes and clear skies, then made note that it was Sunday, something I do as a game to see if my stay-at-home-mom brain can navigate through a week without a calendar.
For some odd reason I then thought of two women I loved who died young, 18 years apart, both on a beautiful Sunday, and I heard an internal voice say, Yea, and we'll keep keepin' the Sabbath holy. The ugly thoughts vanished…Continue