Cita's Blog – December 2009 Archive (10)

True Conversation with Rusty

Cita: I really want to live on a boat.
I need to publish a book so I can buy a sailboat.

Rusty: If you will find me a wife, I will buy you a boat.

Cita: Hey, this is going to be a cool trade!
All I have to do is find you a wife, as in any old wife will do?

Rusty: Sure, if any old boat will do.

Added by Cita on December 29, 2009 at 11:48pm — 6 Comments

Morning Pages

All of my blank journals start out with the same phrase: In this place, I can make no mistakes.



What I don't say is that in this place, I can have affairs, cut someone's throat, ride off on my horse and never come back, give birth, fall in love, attend an orgy, sail the seas.



In my morning pages, I left my husband a hundred times in a hundred different ways, told him all of hurtful things that attacked who he was and tore him down, all of the things I would never say to… Continue

Added by Cita on December 29, 2009 at 11:41pm — 4 Comments

Private Party

She remembered a time when she longed for just one moment's peace, a piece of a moment when she could put her feet up and drink a cup of hot tea, or take a bath all by herself, or leave the pots and pans in the cabinets and eat soft cheeses and exotic salty things.



She remembered a time when she lit candles and poured a glass of wine and turned on beautiful music, only to end up in the chaos of life rather than the space of solitude she created.



For years she dreamed that… Continue

Added by Cita on December 29, 2009 at 2:09pm — 3 Comments

Biscuits and Gravy

In 2007, John Paulson's share of the profits from his investments was, if averaged out over the year, more than ten million dollars a day.



This morning I stand beside the stove where 5 Grand's biscuits are baking, grinding coffee beans and browning sausage for gravy.



Biscuits and gravy will be our second sensual indulgence of the day and it is only 7am.



A billion is a thousand million, and four billion dollars removes a person permanently from the world where… Continue

Added by Cita on December 29, 2009 at 1:21pm — 7 Comments

Both Sides of the Street

I lived on the main street, La Caverna, but it was really Highway 54, the one that stretched from I-10 all the way up past the Texas/New Mexico border to White's City where the caverns did, indeed, wait.



My house had four bedrooms and two bathrooms and towering old trees in a fenced-in yard while right across the highway was her house, a gray cinderblock rectangle that sat on more blocks with a chicken house behind, bare earth all around.



My father's ranch truck and my… Continue

Added by Cita on December 28, 2009 at 11:56pm — 2 Comments

Joy Monger

I've been accused of being a joy monger, a Tigger who bounces through life never digging into the leaf mould where it hurts like hell, an enthusiast, and, my least favorite, "bubbly."



Those accusers weren't there, weren't anywhere in sight, when I was curled up in a fetal position after I had to do the unthinkable and leave a perfectly good husband, weren't there when I did the right thing for my son, allowing him to fly way before I was ready.



Those accusers weren't there… Continue

Added by Cita on December 27, 2009 at 4:01pm — 4 Comments

To Rusty

Our society has it wrong, wrong in the songs, movies, books, images that make us buy things, wrong in the whole friggin' premise.



Romantic love, the kind with roses and sex and 'til death do us part, is NOT, and I repeat NOT, the ultimate goal, the WAY to be happy, the only road to contentment and fulfillment and passion 'til you spasm.



I fell in love, and, hallelujah, pass the wood so I can knock, I am still in love, still head over heels, wrap me up in tin foil because I… Continue

Added by Cita on December 18, 2009 at 9:35pm — 6 Comments

A Bucket of Happy

I thought someone spilled a bucket of gold on the hills tonight, the same color as my drink will be in about an hour.



I thought I heard music, but it is only the creek running with melt, pell mell down the way, playing hide and seek as it all sinks in the sand and pops up somewhere else.



I thought bats flew to Mexico for margaritas and equitorial bliss in the winter, but there are four brown little bodies on the beam in the barn, sleeping two by two, looking like Eskimo… Continue

Added by Cita on December 18, 2009 at 7:00pm — 3 Comments

Laps

I grew up sitting on laps, male laps, hard thighs under Wranglers, pipe-smoke or chewing tobacco or beer or coffee smelling breath above, the tang of leather or grease or cologne all around.



When second grade let out each day, my dad still had a whole last period senior English class to teach, almost all boys, all ready to hit the football field or the rodeo arena, rowdy and too cooped up by the day.



I would walk over from the elementary school, poke my head into his… Continue

Added by Cita on December 18, 2009 at 12:33pm — 1 Comment

The Glow

This morning I deciphered all of my finances, dropped a jar of jelly on the kitchen floor, slipped on the ice, and hung up on the nice lady from Visa.



At noon I stared blankly at the computer screen and wished I could play BeJeweled or Free Cell or slide down the hill behind the house on the dusty sled in the garage instead of hear myself talk on the page.



I swept up the glass in the kitchen, washed a load of laundry, took my aggression out on the maul and the woodpile,… Continue

Added by Cita on December 10, 2009 at 7:50pm — 1 Comment

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