Bill Floyd's Blog – December 2010 Archive (14)

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Rogue Waves

I race across the great seas seeking steel hull and listing mast.  I hunger to capsize and drag under.  They thought me a figment of sailor's legend until they tracked me via GPS and buoy, beholding and quantifying my might from outer space.  What they don't yet realize is that my kin persist out beyond the reach of their satellites, rogue energies rippling through asteroid fields and budging moons in their orbits.  Aberrations quantify the limits of their science.  A great force is gathering… Continue

Added by Bill Floyd on December 30, 2010 at 10:27am — 9 Comments

Hydrophilicity

When the waters finally receded it was obvious that many of the townsfolk never had a chance; most of the bodies were recovered inside their homes or vehicles, or beneath whatever remained of them.  The rescuers found the babbling infant nestled in a high treetop only a few feet above the high water mark.  Its DNA didn't match any of the victims and no one ever came forward to claim her, so one of the firemen nicknamed her Lucky and undertook adoption proceedings.

 

Lucky was…

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Added by Bill Floyd on December 28, 2010 at 4:11pm — 6 Comments

Dennes

Yesterday was the anniversary of Dennes "D" Boon's death in a van crash (no drugs or alcohol or excessive speed involved) in 1985.

 

No one ever offered The Minutemen a million dollar contract.  D and Mike Watt were best friends in San Pedro, CA, and they just liked to play guitar together--their moms liked the idea because it kept them off the streets.

 

They loved Blue Oyster Cult and James Joyce and John Coltrane and Funkadelic and Iggy and the Stooges.   The…

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Added by Bill Floyd on December 23, 2010 at 2:28pm — 5 Comments

An American Parable

Dr. Z has this awesome crib with these spectacular views of the valley and the ocean and the surrounding mountains, and he told us we could use it while he was out of town, just as long as we didn't trash the place and no one got hurt--so of course it took like twenty minutes for us to wreck everything from the kitchen to the pool, and the cops and ambulances kept getting called, and when the word finally got back to Dr. Z (the guy's contacts are fucking uncanny, I'll say that much…

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Added by Bill Floyd on December 22, 2010 at 12:56pm — 4 Comments

View From the Control Booth

Where did things go awry?  In the conceptual stage, everything had seemed so clear, all the pieces in place.  But then the pieces took on lives of their own and now the board is in disarray.  His troops will no longer obey and the commanders openly question his judgment.  Perhaps the design was flawed, or the execution clumsy.  Regardless, it may be time to abort and simply start over with the single-celled catalysts.

Added by Bill Floyd on December 19, 2010 at 12:35pm — 6 Comments

Bill Flo vs. The Sucka MC

He's weak, he's boring, he's jive.

I peak, I'm scoring, I'm live.

 

He creeps, he scares, he fades.

I'm fleet, I spare, I'm paid.

 

He's passive, he rattles, he's no.

I'm massive, I battle, I'm GO.

 

 

Added by Bill Floyd on December 16, 2010 at 10:47am — 6 Comments

Steam

The lady's pretty freaked out, and I guess she's got a right to be. Says her husband's gone missing, which ain't so strange in and of itself; the house is full of screaming kids, the rooms so drafty you can see your breath and this is the worst winter we've had in years, probably no kinda place to come home to. Strange part is that his car and wallet and all his clothes are still here, and the last place she claims she saw him was in the house, just a few hours ago, in the bathroom taking a…

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Added by Bill Floyd on December 14, 2010 at 12:28pm — 12 Comments

Two Generations and Seasonally Adjusted Entertainments

Rudolph taught us to value the contributions of those who were different from ourselves. The Grinch showed the dangers of spite and self-seclusion, while Linus dared recite the Nativity. A Christmas Story made magic out of midwestern materialism, but something tells me Jean Shepherd wasn't getting percentage points from Red Ryder. These days the kids get cross-promotions from Toys 'R' Us and Jim Carey in live-action remakes. Westboro Baptist would picket Rudolph's funeral, and Hans…

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Added by Bill Floyd on December 13, 2010 at 1:45pm — 3 Comments

Slide Show

met T at Logan's wedding reception and everyone's taking pictures with their phones and showing off their apps she was wicked hot I loved the way her


but I came with S and she got all skip pissed and texted G that I was


out of my depth with T's friends too young and I flash kept checking my email when all at once they


whole lot of money missing from the account I flicker couldn't


like…
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Added by Bill Floyd on December 8, 2010 at 1:31pm — 7 Comments

Michelle Williams

There used to be this Chapel Hill band called The Comas and everyone knew the lead singer dated that fetching blonde from Dawson's Creek (filmed in Wilmington, just a couple hours away) for a while, and it's kind of a shame because that band should've been more renowned for recording some really great rock albums (A Def Needle in Tomorrow being my personal favorite) than for some teendream bullshit. So yeah, I paid attention in that half-assed way you do with celebrities, I know… Continue

Added by Bill Floyd on December 7, 2010 at 2:42pm — 8 Comments

The Big Turn-Off (Bad Sex)

They were both seeing other people and both drunk. She led him away from the party into the bathroom and reached in to fondle his half-masted member, then tried to straddle him face-to-face with her ass propped on the sink. But he wanted something else, he turned her around and yanked her panties down and she had to watch both of their faces in the mirror, the contrived expressions and mismatched eyes. The words he used might've turned her on coming from her lover, but in these circumstances,… Continue

Added by Bill Floyd on December 6, 2010 at 11:31am — 7 Comments

More with Less

So the bankers played make-believe and the people played along, and then the people lost their jobs and houses and the community lost its tax base and the school lost teachers. "Do more with less," the people told the teachers, so the teachers let kids like James slide. James had less than most to begin with and no one saw any percentage in wasting valuable time and energy to teach him anything of value. So James learned some other shit instead, James grew up cold and hard, and then James… Continue

Added by Bill Floyd on December 3, 2010 at 11:32am — 8 Comments

How Much Can be Forgiven?

After Meemaw broke her hip, we moved the two of them into a little bungalow on 4th Avenue with no stairs. Papa would wake up early and try not to disturb her as he dressed and went out to sit on the front porch where he'd watch the neighborhood kids walking down to the bus stop and consider all the things he'd never told her. Meemaw got out as often as she could manage, ruffling the grandkids and telling them stories about our own childhoods that we remembered quite differently than she did. At… Continue

Added by Bill Floyd on December 2, 2010 at 4:03pm — 7 Comments

Market Research Tells Us About Ourselves

We have great ideas. We can get any partner we want (and we want them all). Our fashion sense is irreproachable. We imagine that we will not only survive the coming reckoning, we will thrive in ashes, because we are resourceful and adaptable.

Above all, we never look back. That way, we never have to learn.

Added by Bill Floyd on December 1, 2010 at 11:01am — 7 Comments

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