Joe Gensle's Blog

The Sexual Analysis of Six Sentences

Are your first 4 sentences foreplay, with the climax in 5 and a little cuddling to follow in Sentence 6?

These lean ‘n mean sixes, do you feel as if you've been pumped and short-stroked like an adolescent boy whose magically messy moment arrives with his zipper half-down and jeans half-off?

Do your lead-up sentences methodically tease G-spots of interest before delivering an elongated wail of pleasure anticipating the last line's…

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Added by Joe Gensle on July 30, 2010 at 4:00pm — 21 Comments

The Nonagenarian's Gardener

My experience of physicians and nurses was gained from working elbow-to-elbow with them, in sometimes terrible environs and circumstances.

It was over thirty years ago, but one doesn’t lose the perspective of separating the good from the great, the flesh mechanics from the caregivers, yet, I met only one that ever--even remotely--resembled Michaela Tong.

Tong, my mom’s physician, greets… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 30, 2010 at 9:00am — No Comments

3000 Hail Marys

During the separation leading to my divorce, I had worked too hard to slum-it on move-out, busting my ass only to walk away from my $1.8 million retreat in the fashionable Lynn Ranch area of Ventura County, California.

So I guess my apartment was a little lavish, $2700 a month with upstairs and down, but what really sold me on the place was the idyllic view of the greenbelt at patio's edge, and the ocean-lined horizon.

A week into the lease, I came home to a note tied to the… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 27, 2010 at 10:00pm — No Comments

Case Study: George Strenell, GRLEI Man

George walked into the lobby wearing what appeared to be an enormous, white poncho, fighting back tears as he handed his wife the sack full of his clothes, before hugging and kissing Paula goodbye, with a simple, "See you, soon. I love you."

He was semi-comatose over the next 90 days, bathed and shaved daily, with soft music playing and filtered news as auditory stimuli, and he seemed to enjoy the frequent turning, massages, and skin lotions which prevented… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 24, 2010 at 3:30am — No Comments

Walk Softly, Ernie My Love

Out of nowhere, Ernie came home Saturday afternoon and gave Margie a 3-pound box of See's Candies, her favorite chocolate-creams.

She was surprised, but after 28 year of being married to the huggable lug, she cherished these expressions from a man who had trouble expressing love and intimacy with words.

After Sunday's supper, Margie felt like having a chocolate with her coffee, and lifted the lid and over-wrap only to discover that 8 or 10 pieces had been half-eaten, and… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 23, 2010 at 9:00am — No Comments

BP, Answer Me These, Please

I've written and sold print-, and written and produced broadcast advertising, and keep seeing your (BP’s) “Lookie what we’re doing,” and “I’m committed to the end” commercials on television.

How much, BP, did it cost you to produce each commercial?

Was the media buy…$20 million… $50 million… more?

How much equipment, how many more workers’ wages, how many more supplies (bags, HazMat suits, for example) could you have purchased with the money… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 22, 2010 at 3:30pm — No Comments

Fringe Bennies

Tab Formulation Room 116 was, for 42 years, 'Happy' Harry Ludkin's workplace at the lab where he prided himself on near-perfect attenance, but who was now late to his own surprise retirement party in the lunchroom.

His supervisor and coworkers were abuzz about the incredible record of two absences, no tardies, and seldom even a vacation during Harry's tenure at the plant.

Early-on, 'Happy' Harry had earned the moniker 'Happy' for singing and whistling… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 20, 2010 at 7:00pm — No Comments

There for the Taking

Neil told his boss, lied, that he needed to take a long lunch, “Two hours, tops, Larry, I swear!” and he punched out, took the 31 bus, then transferred to the 122.

He broke into his pop’s house, opened the gun safe, and took a box of shells and a shell box he emptied onto the floor with his pop‘s emergency cash before stuffing the bankroll into his jeans.

He took a Glock 17 and an extra clip, and took his pop’s beat-up Pontiac but with a big motor… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 19, 2010 at 9:30pm — No Comments

The Sem: Joe-Dad

The 5’6” statue of ‘The Holy Family’ (Joseph, Mary, baby Jesus in Mom’s arms) stood right next to the elevator leading to the 2 upper floors housing seminarians and priest-faculty at St. Thomas Theological Seminary in Denver, and an Italian beauty it was (the statue, not the Otis).

Joseph’s right arm was around Mary’s shoulders, and the left was extended outward with fingers splayed as if in a casual wave to hail a cab.

Fr. Nick Persich was short,… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 19, 2010 at 9:00am — No Comments

Hiding in Hell

Traffic was light yesterday.
There wasn't a stray dog or cat in sight.
Where would the coyotes have gone?
What about the cottontails?
It was 115°F in the shade, 147°F on my concrete patio.
The birds are quiet...or gone, this morning.

Added by Joe Gensle on July 18, 2010 at 9:30am — No Comments

Gettin' Lucky

"Whattaya mean, 'Got lucky,' bruh!,' I charmed her, sent flowers, sweet-talked her after sittin' through a 3-kleenex chick-flick.... Hell, I even snuck out with the panties she was wearin' and Mmmmm they smelled sah-weeeet on the way over here!"

"No, dude, got lucky like Toby got a call from the Free Clinic and shit, tellin' him she had the clap, and he hadda go in and get his ass jammed with two shots of penicillin the size of… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 17, 2010 at 9:00am — No Comments

When There's Nothing Left to Say

When there's nothing left to say, I sometimes open my secret portal to the world of music composition on software so expensive, it's used by 'the pros.'

When there's nothing left to say, I can sit in the back yard in wonder of Creation before me.

When there's nothing left to say, there are inviting stacks of books around the house to read what others had to say.

When there's nothing left to say, I have 2,000 songs to take my imagination in the direction of their… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 15, 2010 at 8:30pm — No Comments

White Slacks

Rena and Keith Kimball's summer luau bash cost 'em 20-grand last year, so I figured the least I could do was to arrive fashionably attired in white slacks tailored perfectly to the break of my navy blue deck shoes, replete with my prized, vintage Tommy Bahama silk Hawaiian for which I impulsively paid $600 at auction.

One of those party conversation snippets that successfully finds your ear without trying found mine, as I overheard Rena--with her back to… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 14, 2010 at 8:00am — No Comments

Not Long Winded

Moises got a tiny, green and white whistle in his box of Cracker Jack when he was 3.

He would blow that thing at his sister, the dog and all over the house and yard, and squeal with joy between toots, you know?

But the best whistling was by his papa, Juan, who could whistle and sound like the birds.

So Moises practiced whistling like his papa, like the birds, through his childhood and could do so, beautifully, and even the girls at school… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 11, 2010 at 7:30am — No Comments

Wings of Hope

Loren rolled onto the patio every morning at first light to sit at the table enjoying freshly ground and brewed coffee, his Pall Mall non-filtered cigarets, and the feeling of becoming immersed in tranquility meditating upon muted splendors of mornings' awakenings.

Birdsongs from his trees and those in neighboring yards heralded each sunrise, and the ash tree in the corner of Loren's yard seemed especially attractive to… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 11, 2010 at 2:00am — No Comments

Pancake Perils

Assembling the ingredients to make a yummy, hot breakfast of pancakes and bacon, I started by cracking two eggs into a bowl, and suspended some shell fragments into the egg-whites, while the bacon quickly sailed into the trash as the zip lock released a cloud of what Porky Pig's road-kill remnants might smell like after two days on the asphalt.

My hand emerged from the cupboard around the neck of the Aunt Jemima syrup bottle… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 9, 2010 at 10:00am — No Comments

Dialed-In

[ phone ringing ]

"Hi, Mr Gensle, this is Kathy Wilson calling on behalf of the Phoenix Firefighters Auxiliary..."

"Ms. Wilson, we have a station 6 blocks down the street and we'll call you if it's smoky or flaming in here!"

[click]…

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Added by Joe Gensle on July 7, 2010 at 11:30am — No Comments

Rocked, Felled and Directionless

Saturday, my sister's and my days of inquiry, visits, calls, and researching care homes for the elderly ended, found us in his living room saying, "I'm gonna put my mom in your care, into your hands."

He paused, asked, "Well, I would like to meet her, first, talk to rehab staff, see how she's doing, and you are going to tell her who I am and why I'm there?" and I agree to all.

Sis and I discussed the imminent need to break the news she's not coming home, that Mom will meet… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 6, 2010 at 3:30am — No Comments

L. P.

It's zero-three-thirty and Whitley's finally comfortale under the half-moon lighting their terrain after temps in the 90s sweated 'em out in their 'grunt gear.'

He leans into Koch's ear and whispers, "They're eating watermelon, watchin' baseball and barbecuing back home, right about now, 'Cola.'"

Without interrupting his infrared scoping pattern of of the foothills and horizon, Koch smiles, replying in his parched whisper, "Maybe if we're good we can barbecue a goat, tonight," and… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 4, 2010 at 4:30am — No Comments

A Biting Lesson for My Surgeon

God gave me trophy ears one could reasonably liken to handles on a ‘World’s Greatest Dad’ or cheap bowling trophy. It was as if He took a Valentines’-heart, cut it down the middle, and attached each side to my head, which was fodder for endless childhood taunts of “Monkey Face,” so hurtful, that I banned bananas from my lunch pail to 8 years' puzzlement of my mom.

A serious ear infection in my 20s caused my whole damned ear to swell and hang off my left side, and very painfully… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on July 3, 2010 at 11:30am — No Comments

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