Joe Gensle's Blog

Atop the Fourth of July

After five full minutes of convincing, Kristi agreed to go on the double ferris wheel with Jim, and now damn! if they weren't stuck at the pinnacle of the mechanically-failed ride.

Their bench seat gently rocked commanding the grandest vista of distant greenery in full summer glory, and the shimmer of the river in the distance only added majesty worthy of commitment to canvas as a fine painting.

It wasn't turning out as Jim hoped, but he had one arm around Kristi's shoulders… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 30, 2010 at 10:30am — No Comments

The Poor Sad Fate of Letterville

Q and U had been together since forever, shacking up in perfect union and the envy of every couple in Letterville, including the double consonants who liked living with their respective twins near the foothills.

Nobody ever quite figured out why K, Z, Y and J were loners, but there was always gossip about Y’s being trans-letteral, often dressing up like--and going out into print as--a vowel, tho' never had Y been as notorious as...X.

O, I, E and A weren’t exactly shunned… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 30, 2010 at 1:00am — No Comments

Chinese Luck of the Irish

Leonard Lim, Jay's coworker at the tire shop, referred him to a Chinese herbalist in Scottsdale.

Jay was impressed with his initial visit, walking away seventy dollars light and swearing the month's worth of Chinese gentleman's formulations had done wonders for his arthritis and aching muscles.

Entering the lobby from his second session with Dr. Wah, Jay thought he heard cricket chirps coming from the corner of the waiting area and, sure enough, a retail shelf held tiny… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 29, 2010 at 7:00pm — No Comments

Redline

I pulled up to the stoplight behind the new SS. The smirk of its taillight styling mocked the Focus, my trusty commuter.

My showroom-new '74 Camaro came to mind, the modified V-8's muscle smoking Firebirds and Trans-Ams of the day.

The low grumble of this one's gentle revs in front of me awakened my competitiveness.

I'd live to find this one another day, and show him my motorcycle's tailpipes off the line. I'd grin, wondering how he'd feel getting beaten--if… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 29, 2010 at 2:00pm — No Comments

A Lasting Baseball Memory

My left-handedness gave me a bodacious curve ball I used to say I could throw through a sideways door from the pitcher's mound some 60-feet, 6-inches away.

I even set a league record for triples one year, me, a pitcher!

When I was in college, Juan Marichal, a legendary left-hander for the S.F. Giants nodded over toward me from the bullpen and told the catcher, "That kid can HURL!"

Hey, it was an unusually sunny and hot day among Candlestick Park's 'Bleacher… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 29, 2010 at 10:30am — No Comments

Daily Dalliance

The L.A. Times had a dress code we account execs exceeded, preening ourselves in designer suits and $100+ neckties, while clerical staff dressed 'to the nines' and only the artists could adorn themselves in glorification of their creative spirits.

The sexual harrassment code was expressed, regarded serious enough to require annual training recertification for, as incredible as our $900 million in yearly ad sales volume was, the paper would never tolerate an expensive settlement and… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 29, 2010 at 10:30am — No Comments

It Was About Time We Met

My sister introduced me to one of her friends about 20 years ago, a divorced young woman with a 6 year old son and a terrific job as the admin assistant for one of the regents at one of the University of California campuses.

She looked like a cross between Halle Berry and Whitney Houston, with skin just a shade or two darker, and drop-dead gorgeous. Breathtakingly so.

Lately, I’ve seen a woman around town who could be her clone and I say that only because the woman I keep… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 28, 2010 at 11:30pm — No Comments

Yoostas

Poetic license has nothing to do with my intentional, at-will butchering of English, and I didn't yoosta get as much satisfaction from it as I do these days.

I yoosta have this Camaro...the two sports cars I yoosta have...The V-8 in my Jeep Renegade yoosta haul ass and shoot 60-foot roostertails on the snow-packed freeways when I yoosta live in Denver....

The models I yoosta date, and the other beautiful women with whom I yoosta have intimate relationships and whose… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 28, 2010 at 8:00am — No Comments

Gina's Case Study

Midnight shifts as the hotel operator gave Gina the time to finish her college homework in time for her 8:30AM class.

This night, she was cramming for her final exam in Psych 340, and it wasn't exactly smooth sledding for a girl whose corn-popping nerves were her worst enemy during written tests.

It was nearing 7am and she slid the notebook in front of her and flopped the cover open, onto the desk.

"What the hell?!," she thought aloud when she saw that 43 of the… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 28, 2010 at 7:30am — No Comments

Kickin' It: Can I Really Blame Ya, Kid?

Mommy's trim and fit from an indoor bike and treadmill at her gym and heads right to the tanning parlor after her strenous workouts, arriving home to nuke a Lean Cuisine for herself and freezer-meal for you.

She works long hours trying to out-perform peers and claw her way up the corporate ladder.

Her Blackberry is her best friend, and a techno-guilt trip found her putting a cell phone into your little mitts when you turned 8, justifying its cost to always know where you… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 27, 2010 at 12:30pm — No Comments

Kickin' It: I Survived Childhood?

Coraline and I were yacking behind this screen, yesterday, and my little cardiac episode was one of the conversation's bullet-points. Our talk of my kicking the bucket made me think of "Kick the Can," a juvenile game we played in the street five decades ago (although I think being the noire-writer she is, her mind may have gone to giving my carcass to Bloodmeal, her Rottweiler, to strip the meat from my bones and bury them).

Kick the bucket, kick the can: see how ole folks' mind… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 27, 2010 at 11:00am — No Comments

Cost vs. Bare Necessity of a Close Shave

If you're a woman who shaves 'down there' (and I don't mean Australia), I can't imagine you'd use a 25-cent disposable razor around the world's most sought-after au naturel resource any more than I'd use a quarter-disposable on my less-than-nondescript 'mug' and scalp, leaving both looking like razor-burnt wastelands dotted with scabbed nicks.

When the first 100-degree day hits, the hair comes off and my penchant for a smoothed dome has grown so strong that I'll sometimes shave it… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 27, 2010 at 6:00am — No Comments

Kamikaze Deal Breaker

Countless squadrons of gnats invaded our offices a few weeks back.

Thursday afternoon on a long day with only four hours' sleep the night before, I was eye-to-eye with a client, closing a deal, when I inhaled one.

Other than maybe a shocked ::blink:: or two, I hoped my face hadn't registered it.

The insect crawled up the back of my throat, into my nasopharynx. I began to sneeze, uncontrollably, into my elbow and my eyes watered like a big snort of a mean… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 25, 2010 at 9:00pm — No Comments

Lazy June Afternoons

Lisa and Paul enjoyed a light lunch on the patio and then shed their suits to frolic in pool.

Their frolicking often led to foreplay, and into lovemaking as exhausting and intense as either ever experienced.

The weightlessness of the pool’s lovemaking had made the union even more…unusual than than normal, as the two discussed from chaise lounges tanning their fit bodies.

“Oh God, look at the time,” Paul said as they jumped up to quickly don cover-ups and walk to… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 25, 2010 at 6:30pm — No Comments

Mind Games

No son of Ernie’s was gonna sit around the house all day, eating his food, keeping a slovenly room, and puttering around on the internet day and night after night.

Ernie had retired from 26 years in the Army Corps of Engineers, and his son wasn’t even able to tolerate a 4-year hitch in his father’s footsteps.

Worse, Ernie Junior—disgustedly addressed as “Dipshit” by his dad around the house—was constantly disrespectful to his mother, and lipped-off to Senior at every… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 25, 2010 at 2:00pm — No Comments

Watershed Moment

I was in my study writing-out monthly bills when I heard Angela's voice behind me, ""Scuse me, Dad, but can we talk for a minute... about sex?"

My chair seemed to accelerate while swinging around as I fumbled my glasses onto the desk, knowing she noticed.

"What's up, honey?"

"Well, don't flip-out...because I'm still a virgin...but it's hard to say 'No' when your body's screaming 'Yes.'"

Some of the stupidest things I've ever said rolled out of my mouth, like, "The… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 24, 2010 at 8:30am — No Comments

Tale of the Ticker's Tapes

I turned off the ignition in the parking space right in front of the V.A. clinic, Monday, about 8:15AM and then told my sister, "I have heart attack symptoms."

The R.N. rushed me into a room to take an EKG and pandemonium ensued, with the M.D. seeing the pattern, and instructing the nurse, "Call 9-1-1!," followed by an oh-by-the-way, "Anybody got a stethoscope?"

The Doc's convo with the Phoenix Fire Department's paramedic was an interesting exchange about each's… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 23, 2010 at 7:30am — No Comments

1st Class Act

TransPacificAir's flight 37 levelled-off at a fuel-saving 48,000 feet almost 70 minutes after its Los Angeles departure for Honolulu.

The 1st-class cabin was about to get its second round of cocktails when a passenger in 34C unbuckled his belt and tumbled into the aisle, clutching his chest, and experiencing breathing difficulty. The flight attendant's P.A. call requested calm, after which she leaned into seat 2B and asked assistance from the older gentlemen the manifest identified… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 20, 2010 at 11:30pm — No Comments

'Neath the Western Sky

Chet single-looped Bucky's rein around the porch post and went in to give Teresa a sweet thank you and smooch goodbye.

She smiled as her man settled the grey Stetson back on his head and said, "You've been wantin' to do this a long time, and I sure don't know why you haven't, so enjoy it out there."

Bucky carried the elderly cowboy out into his beloved hills of pinon pine, mesquite and scrub as the Western sky began to get painted from the pinks and lavenders and orchids… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 20, 2010 at 1:00am — No Comments

A Bit of Patience

He practiced as 'Bo Johnson,' because the endodontist never liked...hell, detested being called 'Robert' or 'Rob,' 'Bob' or 'Bobbie.'

The staff had just left for the evening as he sat reviewing files of the next morning's cases when he nearly spilled his coffee at the sight of the name, "Zornick, Earll Emerson," and there could be no mistaking the identity of this prick.

The next morning, the girls had Zornick in the chair and bibbed as Johnson told the staff he wanted a… Continue

Added by Joe Gensle on June 19, 2010 at 3:00pm — No Comments

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