What can YOU say in six sentences?
When you are happy, circled by friends, and floating on a cool lake where Canada geese stand guard, you don't think about the 16-hour drive ahead of you.
When you are laughing at brilliantly deceptive answers to an Ex Libris question, especially those of the new guy from England, you don't think about long flights and customs officials and time zone-bleary hours around the bend. You are in the moment, high on being high next…Continue
Leonid Brezhnev and Disneyland.
Rocky road ice cream and The National Inquirer.
My left kidney and Pebbles Flintstone.
A pencil thin mustache and Scrooge McDuck.
NASCAR and Jo-Jo the Dogfaced Boy.
"Kiss My Grits!" and a hiatal hernia.
Bootsy Sykes woke up from a dream in which he and the Shiner boys were playing rock n roll to a packed honky tonk, and a pretty woman had just thrown her panties at his feet.
Bootsy called an emergency meeting in his garage which was thoughtfully equipped with a full beer cooler, a variable-speed magic fingers chair, mounts donated by all…Continue
The owners of the Georgian-style mansion up the road from me – the one that has the carnival-sized displays on Halloween – have planted young elms along their drive. Rather, their hired men planted them, balled and burlapped, disobeying the cardinal rule on the calendar of tree culture, which is never in summer.
I did roll down my window when I passed them lowering the saplings into their holes, and I questioned the wisdom of sentencing trees to…
His name was Johnny-boy Boyd, and he had the spirituality of a roofing nail.
First, he cut down all the trees on the property so that every house on the row was devoid of shade, and this in hot-damn Alabama in a blazing down August.
Then he bulldozed the side of our cabin where the bathroom was. We went months without shower or toilet, having to…Continue
Out of raw dust, he made poetry. He sang of those in want and need.
He was a friend of the working man, the miner and the farmer.
Woody said not to worry, there won't be no cops or Pinkertons in Heaven.
If you don't know who a Pinkerton is, look them up under strike-breaking.
If you don't know what strike-breaking is, you sure could stand to listen to these songs. …Continue
Wade Harmon died Saturday, driving his John Deere eastward on the back forty. The tractor idled until it ran out of fuel, and when he didn't come in for lunch, Mavis walked outside and saw it, green and yellow standing out against the long, brown prairie furrows.
She ran to him, but there was no diesel left in the tank with which to carry him home.
My Betty went to their house the next morning with egg-and-bacon casserole and fresh biscuits. They'd laid Wade out in the parlor on…Continue
Orson listens to the morning radio report about Swiss physicists finding the Higgs boson particle, but he cringes when he turns on CNN and the anchor lady keeps calling it the “God particle.”
She addresses a reporter doing a stand-up outside a building in Lucerne, Switzerland, and asks, “But Bert, what does this mean to the man on the street?”
Orson sips his coffee and mouths the answer a second before the reporter says, “It’s too soon to tell, Linda.”
He feels sad for…Continue
It was time to crown the Shelby County Watermelon Queen of 2012, and Teeny had set her jaw to win the title.
Due to a scarcity of lovely contestants between the ages of 18-25 (caused by a brain drain away to Beauty School in Atlanta…Continue
The Grim Reaper blew into Hayneville, thinking to get a quick shampoo-and-set at Charlene Shiner's beauty shop, but he found her red, white and blue "Closed for the Fourth" sign instead. Grimmy was taken aback, having lost track of calendar days, what with crossing international datelines so frequently to collect persons of all creeds and ethnicities, but he smiled at the thought of millions of Americans eating fatty meats and setting off incendiary devices.…Continue
I always figured, when I got older, God would sort of come into my life somehow. But he didn’t.
-- No Country For Old Men
Giorgi Radislav died with one shoeless leg in his pants and with the other not yet in its sock, the whole man having slumped…Continue
The men came in from the rye fields today telling us the stalks are withering and the cattle faltering in their steps.
I have never known such a strange heat, for it seeps under the shade trees with a steaminess that will not ease, not even at the night fall. Old Sally put cool cloths on my neck and on the child, but the day blew in under the door and around the window seals, dampening the curls at my temples and pasting the back of my shirt to my skin.
A wild fire has taken…Continue